Celebrity News

Just as discretion is the greater part of valor, nudity is the greater part of fine art. Just ask renowned British painter Lucian Freud, grandson of Sigmund Freud and the father of an estimated forty illegitimate children. Freud's 1995 painting "Benefits Supervisor Sleeping" sold Tuesday at Christie's for $34 million, the most money ever paid for a piece by a living artist. The painting showcases the massive mammaries of Londoner Sue Tilley (who was paid $40 for the modeling session) as she reclines on a couch undraped. Oddly enough, Freud's painting of a nude and pregnant (not by Freud) Kate Moss only fetched about $7 million. That's nudes to me!

Today marks the eighth anniversary of the last episode of the epochal TV series Baywatch. The enormously popular melodrama featuring a bevy of buxom, braless lifeguard babes has been translated into 44 languages, shown in 148 countries, and, at the height of its popularity, watched by 1,100,000,000 people worldwide (about three times the population of the US).

Aside from being the de facto ambassador of American culture to the world, Baywatch, despite not having nudity, has also supplied some of the hottest women ever to get naked on screen. It would take more than one blog to name them all, but here are a few of my favor-tits.

Krista Allen

She played Jenna Avid on the show from 1999-2001, but one of her other TV characters turned out to be much more skin-friendly: In 1994, Krista became the latest in a long line of hot babes to portray the softcore heroine Emmanuelle in a cable series called Emmanuelle in Space. Krista not only showed funbags, fanny and furburger in every episode, she even had a scorching hot Sapphic romp with Tiendra Demian in an episode called A Lesson In Love.

Pamela Anderson

Playing the iconic C.J. Parker from 1992-1997, Pamela is almost as synonymous with Baywatch as David Hasselhoff himself. She has since made a name for herself in the fields of plastic surgery, animal activism, and celebrity sex tapes. Anderson's near-perfect rack and rump are visible in numerous Playboy videos and movies like Snapdragon (1993), Raw Justice (1994), Naked Souls (1995), and Barb Wire (1995). Buff said.

Nicole Eggert

Former star of the Scott Baio sitcom Charles in Charge, Nicole Eggert played sexy lifeguard Summer Quinn from 1992-1994. Among other places, you can see Nicole's knockers in the supernatural thriller The Haunting of Morella (1990), which came out smack dab in the middle of her Baywatch tour of duty. This particular movie is also noteworthy for the lesbian scene it contains between the late great Lana Clarkson and Maria Ford.

Carmen Electra

Playing Lani McKensie in the 1997-1998 season, Carmen Electra showed skin as a dancer on the late night cable series Erotic Confessions the same year she started Baywatch. For a self-styled sex kitten, Carmen has been remarkably skin-gy, but you can see her globes in The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human (1999). It's Electra-ic!

Erika Elaniak

The original Baywatch babe Erika Elaniak played Shauni McClain from 1989 to 1992, when Pam Anderson came on board. Like Carmen Electra, Erika also showed skin elsewhere the same year she was cast in the show. In Erika's case, it was a spread in Playboy magazine. For a look at Elaniak's phony rack, check out the Dennis Hopper-directed comedy Chasers (1994), where Erika displays her 34C's and her grade-A rump roast as she's handcuffed to a bed. She's a maniac!

I've built a whole website around the idea that men love to look at women's bodies. Apparently, a 38-year old Italian man got the same idea, only instead of using a computer, he was using a camera concealed in a bag. And instead of looking at Hollywood actresses, he was looking at the panty-clad asses of short-skirted female tourists walking through St. Mark's Square in Venice. When police finally busted the upskirt ass-man, he had collected over 3000 can-did digital photos of Grade-A rump roast Italiano. When this Venetian voyeur gets out of jail, I would like to recommend that he check out his countryman Tinto Brass's ass masterpiece All Ladies Do It (1992), about a similar seat-meat aficionado. I would also urge the unnamed perpetrator and anyone else with a taste for tail to check out my list of Top 10 Brown-Eye Shots for even more non-felonious ass appreciation. Bottoms up!

Way back on April 25th, I expressed the hope that Megan Fox's being named the sexiest woman in the world by FHM would give her the confidence needed to expose her rack to the world that finds her so sexy. Well, I've just obtained these shots taken on the set of Megan's new movie, promisingly entitled Jennifer's Body. Sure enough, they show the babe first wearing a nearly-indistinguishable-from-her-skin bikini top, then stripped down to a pair of pasties the same color as her glorious gazongas covering her nipples. Of course, topless by my standards means without anything covering the nipples, but this is a good start.

2500 years ago, Plato's teacher Socrates was taken from the world when authorities forced the philosopher to drink poison after they convicted him of corrupting the youth of Athens. Likewise, just nine years ago today, Dana Plato, the actress who bore the name of the great man's favorite student, was taken from us too soon when she died of an overdose.

Dana was a star at age 15 when she got the role of Kimberly on the hit NBC sitcom Diff'rent Strokes. But after she got pregnant and was subsequently fired, her career stalled. In 1989 she posed naked in Playboy and was arrested two years later for armed robbery. Later, Dana got roles in low-budget exploitation and softcore movies, including Different Strokes: The Story of Jack and Jill...and Jill (1997), in which she plays a lesbian who helps Landon Hall experience a topless sexual awakening. After the movie, Dana reported that she was a lesbian in real life, but later retracted the statement. Apparently her sexual tastes, like her career, ran the gamut. She died tragically the next year, right after an interview on The Howard Stern Show.

Before he drank his hemlock, Socrates proclaimed that he was happy to die before succumbing to the ravages of old age. Though Dana surely left us far too soon, no one can deny that she left us as a babe in her prime.

Well, another one of young Hollywood's hottest babes has reportedly come over to the light and bared some boobage for the camera. In Family Guy and Forgetting Sarah Marshall star Mila Kunis's new movie Boot Camp (2007), Mila and her pals are a bunch of misfit kids sent to a Montell Williams-type boot camp for troubled teens in Fiji. But what their parents think is an ultra-modern institution using state-of-the art facilities and psychological techniques is actually a jungle hell where sadistic guards torture and brainwash their charges. Luckily for us, Mila peels off her clothes and gives us a look at the Kunis two-ness as she rolls around on the bed for a little post-shower sex with her boyfriend. This boot camp is a hoot camp!

Besides being one of the greatest minds the Western World has ever produced and a thinker whose influence on the way we think of ourselves rivals that of Plato, Kant, and Descartes, Sigmund Freud has also provided the inspiration for a number of movies featuring female funbags, fanny, and furburgerage. In honor of the Great Man's 151st birthday, I will present a list of three movies that make use of Freud's ideas about repression, transference, and Oedipal desire and also show tits.

Taboo (1981)

The X-rated classic Taboo stars porn legend Kay Parker as hot-to-trot mother and housewife Barbara Scott, a sexually frustrated woman who gives in to incestuous desire with her teenaged son Paul (Mike Ranger) fulfilling the Oedipal fantasies of millions of boys without any of the nasty patricide and gouging of one's own eyes added by Aeschylus.

Frenzy (1972)

With movies like Vertigo (1958) and Psycho (1960), Alfred Hitchcock did more than anyone else to popularize the ideas of Freud and his philosphers (including French analyst Jacques Lacan) leading philosopher Slavoj Žižek to write a book called Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Lacan... But Were Afraid to Ask Hitchcock in 1993. But it wasn't until 1972 that Hitchcock gave us a Freudian nip slip in his most violent (and next to last) film Frenzy. Thirty minutes into the movie, we see the boobs of a body double (Freud often speaks of sublimated and misdirected desire).

Silence of the Lambs (1991)

From very early on, Psychoanalysis has been likened to detective work. Lacan used Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Purloined Letter" to explain the linguistic structure of The Unconscious, another analyst, Julia Kristeva has herself written several murder mysteries, and contemporary French analyst and public intellectual has proposed an alternate solution to one of the Agatha Christie's most famous mysteries in his book Who Killed Roger Ackroyd?: The Mystery Behind the Agatha Christie Mystery. The Silence of the Lambs is Hollywood's most famous presentation both of psychiatrist as detective and the suppressed eroticism of the analyst-analysand relationship. Jodie Foster doesn't get naked, but we do see a naked corpse on an operating table. Freud would call this an example of Death Drive.

Nude in theaters this weekend is non-linear drama The Tracey Fragments featuring Juno's Canadian cutie Ellen Page as a teenager searching for her little sibling. If you're looking for a little skin-ling, you won't find Juno's poon-o, but you can check out the side of Ellen's melon and the top of her apple bottom. These are some racy fragments of rackage and crackage!