Welcome back to Castle Rackula for the third and final installment of my Horny Holiday Horrors series. This will be my last post of the year as I am preparing for my annual Holiday Trip to a secret island in the Caspian Sea where I join a few of my powerful Hollywood friends to hunt the most dangerous game: human beings we found on Craigslist.

But I will be back in 2009 with an expanded blog and a new commitment to Twittering. So if you’re not already following me on Twitter, don’t waste another precious moment.

But without further ado, I bring you three more Christmas-themed slasher movies with nudity.

astleyDon't Open Till Christmas (1984)

Made the same year as Silent Night, Deadly Night, British horror-thriller Don't Open Till Christmas was released with the tagline “...t'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...they were all dead!”

But unlike Silent Night, Deadly Night, Don't Open Till Christmas doesn’t feature a Santa who kills, but a killer of Santas!

Also unlike SNDN, it was released straight to video. Maybe they should have called in Don’t Open in Theaters!

Some on the net suspect the uncredited involvement of Killer’s Moon director Alan Birkinshaw, but I can’t comment on that.

I can comment on the breasts of Pat Astley. They’re real and I like them.

The Christmas Season Massacre (2001)

Slasher comedy The Christmas Season Massacre features an eyepatch-wearing killer named Tommy and an actor named Jason Christ.

I’m not a fan of the horror comedies, but this one has a point (or two) in its favor:

It also features the ginormous jingle bell jugs of Joy Payne.

Joy to the World!


Black Christmas (2006)

On Christmas day of 2006, Dimension films released slasher remake Black Christmas with Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Michelle Trachtenberg and SCTV alumna Andrea Martin, who was also in the original film.

loweThe story features a killer who is stalking and slaying the sorority girls who are left in their house for Christmas break.


The 1974 version, helmed by Porky’s director Bob Clark, starred the beautiful Olivia Hussey, the talented but temperamental Margot Kidder, and Nightmare on Elm Street’s John Saxon. Sadly, it has no nudity.

The 2006 remake, on the other hand, features spectacular snowglobes from Karin Konoval and all three B’s from a showering Crystal Lowe.

That’ll roast your chestnuts!

Well that’s all for 2009, I’ll see you all after the holidays. And if you ladies leave out a Bloody Mary next to Santa’s milk and cookies on Christmas eve, you might found Count Rackula going down your chimney!