Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling: The Mr. Skin Interview

The Joke Man brand is infamous for being fueled by beer and pot, yet your newest product on the market is the JokeMaster Jr., a gadget packed with jokes for kids. How do you translate your humor for the elementary-school set?
Although I'm a comedian, I'm more specifically a joke teller. I tell classic jokes--okay, old jokes--but remember, a joke is only "old" if you've heard it before... even if you heard it as recently as yesterday, it's an "old joke" to you... and, conversely, a joke, however ancient, is "new" to you if you haven't heard it before. Each of my five CDs is a live, rapid-fire seventy-eight-minute assault of the greatest dirty jokes of all time, without a repeated joke.

And the jokes in my Excalibur kids' gadgets are kids' jokes. They're not my jokes cleaned up, but the classic knock-knock and ghost and elephant and chicken jokes we all loved and told as kids.

The kids' jokes--140 in the JokeMaster Jr. and sixty in the Mini JokeMaster Jr.--are told by me, with my voice sped up so I sound like a Munchkin, and of course all have my classic laugh at the end. You push the nose for a joke and poke either of the eyes for the joke to repeat. Kids love it.

I can attest to that. My two young boys have annoyed... I mean, amused me with their new friend, Uncle Jokeman, via the electronic recording of your jokes and cackle. They have their favorites, but how about a few examples of yours?
What's a ghost's favorite color? Boo. What kind of sneakers does a chicken wear? Ree-bock-bock-bock.

There's a dirty joke machine available for the adults, right?
There's Jackie's Dirty Joke Machine that has a back-lit text screen and holds 1150 dirty jokes--650 quickies, 350 long jokes, and 150 filthy insults--and in addition has three ridiculous Jackie sounds: my laugh, "You're an asshole," and "You fucking idiot." And there's Jackie's Talking Dirty Joke Machine that has over 100 jokes you hear one at a time when you press the button on top. It also has a repeat feature.

Let's hear some of your blue material.
I lived with an Italian girl for twenty years. She was beautiful, but very hairy. Going down on her, forget it, it was like eating sushi off the floor of a barbershop. A couple's in the living room, he says, "You're dry tonight." She says, "You're licking the rug."

Is there anything you won't joke about?
Of course, anything that slows up my audience. I go light on Jesus, because that somehow always sends them away for a while, and I rarely say "cunt" because it's not worth it... that word still throws people.

To a certain degree, I play to my audience's sense of what's funny, not mine. In leaving out this stuff, I'm not censoring myself. The way I see it, I'm up there to get as many laughs as I can, so I'm just doing what I need to do to best keep my rapid-fire show moving at break-neck speed without hitting any stumbling blocks.

You have a movie coming out, Coming Attractions, a sketch comedy, in which you play a bathroom-stall victim. Maybe you could elaborate?
I won't elaborate on the scene because it's a gag, so why spoil it? I will say the scene is really bloody and really silly, if they can co-exist. And that the film is a riot, a gagfest in the vein of the classic sketch films Kentucky Fried Movie (Picture: 1) and Groove Tube--Pat Morita, Dennis Rodman, Angie Everhart (Picture: 1), Michael Winslow, April Florio, me... it's a fun group.

The film also features the return of "The Filthy 3D JokeMan," the fat little animated guy who tells my foul jokes. A lot of people will remember him from JokeLand.com and The Howard Stern Show on CBS. He pops in about five times with filthy jokes, and he's a hoot.

Is it the kind of movie that's going to demand a lot of visual representation on Mr. Skin, if you know what I mean?
I, of course, know what you mean, and no. There's not a lot of nudity. But if you insist, I'll send you some full frontals of The Joke Penis. I hope you have a large computer monitor.

High Times Potluck (Picture: 1) is a film full of drugs and sex and you. Was it as fun behind the camera?
It was my first real film role--I played Mercury, the bar owner, and to this day, I wear the shirt I wore as Mercury at every stand-up gig I do. High Times Potluck was a riot to make. I was still drinking back then, and we of course smoked a lot of pot. The best was getting stoned with Tommy Chong and David Peel. What a threesome. And befriending the film's producer, Paul Bernard, who rapidly became and remains a dear pal. And I also started my torrid love affair-at-arms-length with The Queen of Every Place She Is, Sylvia Miles (Picture: 1), and got to work with the legendary Frank Gorshin and the great Kim Chan.

We did a screening at The Cannes Film Festival and The Toronto Film Festival a few years back, and we won Best Comedy at The Atlantic City Film Festival. People love it. It's just a fun fucking film--and no, sorry, no nudity [Ed. note: Actually, yes there is].

You have a long list of movie credits, but except for Private Parts, those films are surprisingly non-nude. Are you a closet prude?
A prude? Moi? Please. In every film I've been in, I've requested a naked scene, but instead they make me do a coffee run. Did I mention the films are low budget?

I'd think you'd be fearless after all those years writing on The Howard Stern Show. How has your life changed after leaving the show in 2001?
What life? I'm kidding. The major change is I'm never tired. I get lots of sleep. I was sleep-deprived for fifteen years, and that was so, so hard. I miss laughing with the guys for five hours a day, and I'm not as rich or as famous any more, but life, even at these reduced levels, is nothing short of spectacular. Unless I'm feeling shitty, in which case it blows. In short, the same as it's always been for me, rich, poor, known, unknown... happiness is a moving target and sometimes my aim is better than others.

What was it like going back on the show as a guest in 2005?
It was the most fun hour I'd had in a very long time. It was a total joy.

Do you have plans to work on Howard's Sirius network?
It's pretty funny, it took me awhile to get to answering these questions you e-mailed me, and I'm doing it today, June 29th, just after having dinner with Howard for the first time in over five years. Me and Sirius? Hmmm... stay tuned.

I wait with bated breath. Our audience, however, waits with masturbated breath for you to answer this next question. Do you recall the first time you saw a nude scene in a mainstream movie when you were a kid growing up?
I'm sitting here wracking my brain and can't pull anything up except my pants--I'm done. I'm an old guy--fifty-eight--so I was old by the time that shit was being projected up there.

I didn't go to the city--from Long Island--to see sex films on 42nd Street. When we'd take the Long Island Railroad in, I was much more into Hubert's Flea Circus and the pizza and the action films.

But do you have a favorite sex scene in a movie?
My favorite sex scene is always the last one I saw. Mmm....

How about your favorite sex symbol, either current and/or past?
My favorite sex goddess, ever since I met her and worked with her years ago, has been Jenna Jameson (Picture: 1 - 2). She's just sweet and cool. And I love Jenny McCarthy (Picture: 1). Before them, it was of course Marilyn Monroe (Picture: 1 - 2). Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn.

What is your Top Ten sexy movie list?
King Kong (Picture: 1), The Godfather (Picture: 1), My Favorite Year, All About Eve, Sunset Boulevard, The Graduate (Picture: 1), The Cocoanuts, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Wizard of Oz, High Noon. As you can see, I could care less about nudity in the films I see. But I love what Mr. Skin does, it's a fucking riot... please keep it up!

We'll keep it up to keep you up. Now, you're famous for your rapid-fire dirty jokes, so how about leaving us with one involving Mr. Skin?
Mr. Skin and his wife go to the marriage counselor. The marriage counselor says, "I think we should start with what you have in common." Mr. Skin says, "Neither of us likes to suck cock."