Lloyd Kaufman: The Mr. Skin Interview

Tromadance 2006 recently wrapped up. Tell us about this new tradition.
Tromadance is the world's only totally free film festival. There's no fee to enter films; there's no admission charged for the audience to come watch them. And there's no VIP policy. It goes on in Park City, Utah, right at the same time as the Sundance Film Festival.

The festival started way back in 2002 and we just built it up from the beginning, cultivating a strong reputation as something separate from the mainstream fests. One year we had actresses there who got naked, sucked blood, and smoked cigars with their vaginas!

This year Tromadance was full of gay cowboys and cocaine. Just like real Hollywood.

In addition, there have been Tromadance festivals staged independently worldwide--in New Mexico, Berlin, and Scotland. It's become a movement.

We're all anticipating your next directorial effort, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. What's the story there?
Poultrygeist is my big "fuck you" to McDonald's, Burger King, and the entire fast-food nation. And it's a musical starring Julia Roberts (Picture: 1), who's a dirty fucking bitch. That's not true. Actually it is a musical, but Julia Roberts isn't in it. She is, however, a dirty fucking bitch.

We at Troma have not been fast-food fans ever since McDonald's moved in next door to our New York office. We've had rats the size of raccoons down in our basement ever since.

Poultrygeist is a political film in that all Troma films are political. Troma, in fact, is a political movement. It's an art movement. It's always been an art movement. And that is political.

Poultrygeist is described as a "fromage to Takashi Miike." For unfamiliar readers, Miike is a master filmmaker from Japan who is most famous for his extreme horror movies, such as Audition and Ichi the Killer. How specifically was Miike an influence on Poultrygeist?
Well, I of course have nothing but the utmost respect for Miike, but his movies are missing something. Specifically his films don't have enough hot, hard-bodied lesbian action.

A more direct influence was a Troma Team fondue party. I had eaten quite a bit, and I turned to my partner--Michael Herz--and told him that the cheese was "making me have to take a shit, Mike. One of our employees misheard that and thought I was paying "fromage" to "Takeshi Miike".

Actually Miike is a Troma fan and wrote a defense of Toxic Avenger 4 as an auteur-influenced work of art. And like Miike, Troma films can't be classified by genre. He is his own genre and we are our own genre.

Did you hear about the Miike-directed installment being dropped from the Showtime series Masters of Horror?
I did, and it's an outrage, of course. It's just more typical behavior from a devil-worshipping corporate conglomerate.

Aside from this new production, Troma has released some classic, sought-after drive-in-era films recently, including The Children, Video Vixens, and Crazed. Does the company have plans to acquire and release more titles like these?
We do. Doggy Tales is full of naked dogs. There's also East End Hustle, which is a great Canadian tit movie full of violence from 1976, and Jet Sex, which is a prime example of German sex films from 1977.

Also, don't forget the great biker movie two-pack of Al Adamson's Satan's Sadists and Angel's Wild Women.

Did you see Cabin Fever?

Yes, of course.
Well, think back to the guy who played the sheriff. His name is Giuseppe Andrews. He's also a filmmaker, and we handle his movies Touch Me in the Morning, Trailer Town, and Period Piece. They all feature old, naked men. They'll be ideal for when you start Mr. Foreskin.

Speaking of Mr. Skin, he stars in bonus features on the DVDs for Crazed and Video Vixens. How did he come to be a part of the Troma Team and how has it been working with him?
The Troma Team and I could only whack off to the preview clips on MrSkin.com. We had a major need to acquire a free password. And Mr. Skin himself is funnier and more articulate than I could ever be.

One movie that I want to highly recommend to Mr. Skin and his fans is our documentary All the Love You Can. It features more naked women than any documentary in history, including Arban Ornelas (Picture: 1), Shelley Michelle (Picture: 1), and a slew of amateurs.

Troma has become a fixture at the Cannes Film Festival. What have you got planned for this year?
Cannes is always a big event in the Troma year. So we'll be doing what we always do--showing our movies, staging a lot of street theater, and generally poking a finger in the eye of the establishment.

Your Make Your Own Damn Movie program--both in book and DVD form--has become something of a phenomenon. Have you noticed beneficial results of this empowering movement?
The initial idea for Make Your Own Damn Movie was to do it just as a book, but then it occurred to me to do it as visual lessons on DVD. Film schools are packed with so many phonies teaching filmmaking who have, themselves, never made a film. So we put it out on DVD and it's now in its sixth edition. Make Your Own Damn Movie also added three inches to my penis.

In addition, there's been a steady decline, on my part, of emails from hot-bodied women who want me and a steady incline of emails from tattooed fat boys who want me to teach them how to make movies.

You mentioned book projects earlier. Is anything coming up?
Yes. Toxic Avenger: The Novel is on the way from Avon Publishing. It's a great book. One chapter was even written by J.D. Salinger, although he may not remember doing it.

When you read about Hollywood ticket sales in rapid decline, how do you feel? How can Hollywood fix itself and get in touch with the mass audience the way Troma is connected to its fans?
When you make a movie that costs $100 million, you have to make that movie appealing to everyone. So what you end up with is baby food.

My advice to Hollywood is: Give a shit! Give a shit about your movie! Give a shit about your audience! And if you give a shit about me, cast me in the middle of a lesbian scene between Jessica Biel (Picture: 1) and Jessica Alba (Picture: 1)!