By J.R. Taylor
Summer's gone and the time is right for dancing in our pants--as we're checking out the stellar starlets stirring up the world of television. It's a new fall season, and we're already falling in love with the luscious lassies gracing the line-ups of a sinful new season.
*
ABC
Safely settled into second place in the ratings, ABC is broke enough to try to fix a chunk of its schedule--with enough sexy new shows to put our zippers in a fix:
Ugly Betty
This American adaptation of the Spanish-language hit
Yo Soy Betty, la fea looks pretty good to us--even with sexy big girl
America Ferrera (Picture:
1) getting uglied up in the title role. Our unsophisticated heroine is working at a fashion magazine surrounded by the cattiest of the catty. Bring on the catfights, too, with a cast of cold beauties including
Ashley Jensen and
Vanessa Williams (the former Miss America one).
Big Day
We'd rather be tortured by Jack Bauer during a season of
24 than endure the single wedding that takes up the entire season of this big show. At least we've got the promise of a big night with bride (and former sexy teen queen)
Marla Sokoloff (Picture:
1). There's also the appeal of MILFish mother-in-law-to-be
Wendie Malick (Picture:
1), along with a bevy of beautiful bridesmaids.
The Knights of Prosperity
Originally packaged as
Let's Rob Mick Jagger, this sitcom follows some lovable losers who spend a season plotting to rip off the Rolling Stone's penthouse apartment. Will they succeed? Only if they're smart enough to bait the battered old rocker with lovely Latina
Sofia Vergara (Picture:
1) --who prompted plenty of prosperous pumping with her bikini shots in
Fuera de serie (Picture:
1).
The Nine
Strangers are held hostage during a bank robbery and end up being intertwined for life--or at least hopefully a full TV season. The bigger mystery is where do we find this bank, since the customers that day include
Camille Guaty (Picture:
1) --who put a file in our pants on the Fox show
Prison Break--and
Kim Raver (Picture:
1), formerly of
24 and a lingerie lesbian liplock in
Keep Your Distance (2005). There's also
Jessica Collins (Picture:
1), last seen freeing her flappers on the Showtime offering
The Ranch.
Six Degrees
Six strangers go on unaware of the effects that their decisions have on one another. This show is based on the premise that only six people separate one person from another--so who are the five idiots separating us from the hot babes in this hourly drama? Our zippers are already at a ninety-degree angle for
Hope Davis (Picture:
1) --last seen one degree away from
Robin Tunney during a m?ge in
The Secret Lives of Dentists (2002). There's also
Erika Christensen (Picture:
1) --swimmingly sexy in
Swimfan (2002)--and
Bridget Moynahan (Picture:
1 - 2), who teased us to the nth degree in films such as
Coyote Ugly (2000) and
Lord of War (2005).
In Case of Emergency
This sitcom follows old high-school friends dealing with their miserable lives twenty years later--and it's pretty obvious where the guys screwed up. They should never have gotten out of touch with valedictorian-turned-hooker
Kelly Hu (Picture:
1). At least the gang is savvy enough to hire fully-grown
Full House star
Lori Loughlin (Picture:
1) as the therapist who keeps them from going nuts.
Day Break
It's a homicidal
Groundhog Day for cop
Taye Diggs, constantly reliving the same twenty-four-hour period in which he was framed for murder. Hopefully he can piece together the mystery without being distracted by a daily dose of lethal lovelies:
Victoria Pratt, who took it off in
Whatever It Takes (1999);
Meta Golding (Picture:
1), whose nude scenes keep us reliving
Quiet Days in Hollywood (1997); and bloody-good cover girl
Moon Bloodgood.
Brothers & Sisters
Siblings come together to run the family business in an hourly drama with the oldest average cast of babes this season.
Sally Field (Picture:
1) is the matriarchal MILF to former
Ally McBeal star
Calista Flockhart (Picture:
1) and Skin fave
Rachel Griffiths. We also get
Patricia Wettig as a sexy mystery woman--and she was on
thirtysomething twenty years ago.
Men in Trees
She stars as a relationship therapist stuck in an Alaska town full of eligible men--but we prefer
Anne Heche (Picture:
1) as a lesbian stuck on
Joan Chen in the ladies room in
Wild Side (1995). Hopefully this retread of
Northern Exposure will also include some southern exposure from the few other eligible babes in the backwoods--including
Emily Bergl (Picture:
1), who got us burgling our pants in
Chasing Sleep (2000).
*
NBC
NBC is at the bottom of the ratings, but they're not bottoming out in the babe department, with plenty of space to fill in a schedule that'll fill out the space in our shorts:
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Aaron Sorkin follows up
The West Wing with a behind-the-scenes look at a live skit-comedy show. Can the new creative team get the audience to laugh it up? Who cares? We'll be too busy lapping up
Amanda Peet (Picture:
1) in her role as the network president. Hey, that's no less believable than her turn as a topless aspiring assassin in
The Whole Nine Yards (2000).
Sarah Paulson (Picture:
1) also shows up as a cast member--although we weren't laughing when she flashed her historical hooters on HBO's
Deadwood.
Heroes
Ordinary folks gain superpowers in this hour-long drama--with an impressive cast of women capable of bending our briefs with a single look.
Ali Larter (Picture:
1) has already spawned plenty of superboners while taking it the doggie way in
3-Way (2004).
Friday Night Lights
The hit film about high-school football gets a chance to become a hit series--and we're hoping for some high scoring, since the bleacher babes include
Adrianne Palicki (Picture:
1), last seen sporting a bikini on the short-lived series
North Shore.
30 Rock
Not content with having one show goofing on
Saturday Night Live, its network also gives us this sitcom in which
Tina Fey runs the fictional
Girlie Show with former
SNL star
Rachel Dratch. But apparently Tina and Rachel weren't enough girlie action for NBC, as
Ally McBeal sexpot
Jane Krakowski (Picture:
1) was a late addition to the cast.
Kidnapped
A wealthy couple's son is abducted, and the kidnappers don't even think to demand that
Dana Delany (Picture:
1) remove her blouse--even though the marvelous MILF has only gotten hotter since baring her bod in
Exit to Eden (1994).
*
CBS
CBS has had a good run for the past few seasons, as they've brought down their average viewer age and beaten the stigma of
Murder, She Wrote and
Diagnosis Murder. The Eye didn't need many new shows, but we've certainly got eyes for the casts of the following:
The Class
You can't go wrong selling a network another series about twentysomethings.
The Class offers the hook of friends who've been apart since third grade--so, really, it should be a regular show about people who have no idea they've met before. We're still anxious to renew our acquaintance with
Lizzy Caplan,
Heather Goldenhersh,
Andrea Anders, and
Lucy Punch (Picture:
1) --who got us punchy in her underwear in
Being Julia (2004).
Smith
In what seems like a close copy of the FX network's
Thief, family man
Ray Liotta heads up a crime crew--and crime sure pays, since his character's married to perpetual Skin perp
Virginia Madsen (Picture:
1 - 2). His cunning crew also includes
Amy Smart (Picture:
1 - 2), whose topless turn in
Road Trip (2000) has her welcome to break into our boxers anytime.
Jericho
There's a mushroom cloud in the distance, and the suddenly isolated small town of Jericho, Kansas, is all abuzz in this hourly drama. Meanwhile, a cast of sexbombs sets off an atomic blast in our pants. We're ready to repopulate the planet with post-mushroom MILF
Pamela Reed (Picture:
1) and
Ashley Scott (Picture:
1), who almost had all her clothes blown off in films such as
Into the Blue (2005) and
Walking Tall (2004).
Shark
James Woods carries this show as a savvy prosecutor, but our legal briefs will be brought to new heights by his stunning team of luscious lady lawyers. There's TV veteran
Jeri Ryan (Picture:
1), plus a cast of nubile newcummers including
Sarah Carter (Picture:
1) --who supershrunk our shorts in a sexy turn on The WB's
Smallville.
Next week: What's coming up over at Fox, along with the newly launched networks CW and MyNetwork.
You must be logged in to write comments
Sign Up or Login to begin submitting comments to MrSkin.com!