By Mike McPadden
Here's your chance to turn the dog days of August into howling nights of naked delight as we run down the best of who's bare in this month's spanking-new DVD releases.
AUGUST 7, 2007
COME AS YOU ARE (2005)
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
NUDE: Barbara Fixx (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Back in college during the 1990s, Craig (Maury Sterling) was a put-upon nerd who seemed destined to live as a virgin and die alone. Fast-forward a few years and Craig became a dot-com millionaire, and, on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of graduation, he invites his former classmates to a party. The only instruction: come as you are. The old pals convene at Craig's mansion, meet his super-stacked knockout fianc? Kelli (Barbara Fixx), and all goes swimmingly until it turns out that Craig is harboring a secret . . . a dirty secret! Come as You Are is a warm, witty, often outrageous comedy of raunchy revelations, the very breast of which is co-star Barbara Fixx's bare rack.
DAWN OF THE LIVING DEAD (2004)
STUDIO: Hannover House
NUDE: Amanda Bauman (Picture: ) (left breast, butt)
THE SKINNY: Fresh from a stint in a mental institution, Renee (Amanda Baumann) moves into a remote desert cabin with her fianc?sychiatrist in Dawn of the Living Dead. But their dream home turns out to be more of a scream home as the previous occupants-a zombie family slain in a Mayan ritual killing-aren't keen on giving up their lease so quickly. And you thought your neighbors were annoying! The beauteous Baumann graciously provides a bit of bare with the scare, which will satiate your own desire for human flesh.
DISTURBIA (2007)
STUDIO: Paramount Home Video
NUDE: Sarah Roemer (Picture: ) (butt)
THE SKINNY: When troubled teen Kale (Shia LeBeouf) lands under house arrest in Disturbia, the only kick he's got left is to get a load of what his neighbors are up to when they don't know he's watching. All's well (and sexy) with our hero's peeping proclivities, until he stumbles across Mr. Turner (David Morse), who may or may not be a serial killer-but who definitely seems to be aware that Kale has caught sight of him in some unseemly acts that the imposing middle-aged gent would violently prefer to keep secret. Disturbia is a high-tech, nerve-jangling, thoroughly effective update of the Alfred Hitchcock classic Rear Window (1954), a point made mouth-wateringly tantalizing by succulent Sarah Roemer, whose slippery red bikini provides a peek at her own rear.
FAKERS (2004)
STUDIO: Indican
NUDES: Ilaria D'Elia (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Fakers blows the lid off of art-world scams through a taut, tricky story that connects present-day London to 1911 Italy. Two-bit crook Nick Edwards (Matthew Rhys) owes a mountain of debt to crime lord Foster Wright (Art Malik). The object of Nick's affection, Eve (Kate Ashfield), happens to have a brother who's an expert forger when it comes to a certain early-twentieth-century Italian artist. Together they aim to pay off the mob with bogus artwork. Of course, it can't be that easy . . . and it isn't. Fakers is a high-class caper that also boasts Ilaria D'Elia topless. She is the real deal.
FALLING (2006)
STUDIO: Kino Video
NUDES: Ursula Strauss (Picture: )(breasts), Darina Dujmic (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Acclaimed Austrian filmmaker Barbara Albert's Falling takes place after the death of a beloved teacher and focuses on five female students of his who gather for the funeral. Seeing each other for the first time in fourteen years are pregnant Nina (Nina Proll), shy Brigitte (Birgit Minichmayr), work-harried Alex (Ursula Strauss), aspiring starlet Carmen (Kathrin Resetarits), and ex-con Nicole (Gabriela Heged?b). What follows is an intimate study of these deeply drawn characters with some skintimate moments provided by Ursula and co-star Darina Dujmic. Falling will get you rising.
FIN DE CURSO (SCHOOL'S OUT) (2005)
STUDIO: Image Entertainment
NUDES: Carla Salgueiro (Picture: ) (breasts), Sara Gra?/a (Picture: ) (breasts), Aida Folch (Picture: ) (right breast)
THE SKINNY: The Spanish equivalent of American Pie (1999) (Picture: 1) , Fin de curso, a.k.a. School's Out, casts Jordi Vilches as Jaime, a hapless, horny high-school hero in the vein of Jason Biggs, Pee-Wee from Porky's (1982)(Picture: 1), and countless other teen-sex-comedy forerunners. When the vote for senior trip comes down to Jaime, his male classmates want him to pick a seaside resort, while the girls favor a cultural retreat to Paris. Each side tries to sway Jaime and, suddenly, this lonesome loser is the most sought-after cool dude on campus. Fin de curso slings all the necessary ingredients for a teen sex classic, including wild pranks, gross-out gags, and, most importantly, the naked flesh of nubile se?tas. Some things translate perfectly in any language.
GETTIN' IT (2006)
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
NUDES: Jessica Canseco (Picture: )(breasts, butt), Tara Rice (Picture: ) (right breast, butt), Estephania LeBaron (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Gawky teenage goofball Silver (Patrick Censoplano) isn't getting any at the beginning of Gettin' It. However, this being a raucous youth sex farce in the time-honored tradition of Losin' It (1983), Goin' All the Way (1982), and Getting It On (1983) (Picture: ) , Silver is due for a change in luck when it comes to lust. When a local hottie thinks she sees Silver buying super-mega-extra-giant-sized condoms, his reputation as a huge-hung stud explodes and suddenly every vixen in town is hot to hop atop our hero. Gettin' It is all about getting super-sexy chicks out of their clothes and into bed, with plenty of laughs between all the bare boobs along the way.
KILLER KILLER (2007)
STUDIO: York Home Video
NUDE: Danielle Laws (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Who will kill the killers? That seems to be the question asked-and answered-by the inventive horror opus Killer Killer. A group of serial murderers awakens one morning to find that the maximum-security prison in which they are housed has been invaded, abandoned by the guards, and surrounded by an impenetrable mist. And then, one by one, they start to die-violently, creatively, and at the skilled hands of homicidal hottie Helle (Danielle Laws). Killer Killer is clever, creepy, powerfully effective, and provides in Helle, who is no more afraid of baring her breasts than she is of dispatching an unrepentant strangler, an anti-heroine genuinely worth howling over.
MUSTANG SALLY'S HORROR HOUSE (2006)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDES: Lindsey Labrum (Picture: ) (left breast), Deidre A. Cannon (Picture: ) (breasts), Joni Kempner (right breast), Dana Fares (right breast), Alycen Malone (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: In the classic episode of VH1's Behind the Music dedicated to 1980s hair-metal mavens Poison, downfallen guitar slinger C.C. Deville describes the decline of his personal being as mirrored by the metaphorical collapse of his Hollywood Hills mansion, stating: "It started out as a house of whores and then turned into a house of horrors." So, now, goes the plot of the fun, sexy fright-romp Mustang Sally's Horror House. Six college jocks venture to a remote brothel run by titular madame Mustang Sally (Elizabeth Daily). Each dude pairs up with a prostitute, only to learn that, years earlier, the fathers of this sextet did a wicked thing to Sally, and she's been waiting to exact revenge on their offspring. Flesh and blood fly, making Mustang Sally's Horror House a must-see for fans of bare-boobed B-movie babes and gory good fun.
THE STILL LIFE (2007)
STUDIO: Polychrome Pictures
NUDES: Angel Boris (Picture: ) (breasts, butt), Holly Fields (Picture: ) (breasts, butt), Kyrie Maezumi (Picture: ) (FFN, butt)
THE SKINNY: Julian Lamont (Jason Barry) is an artist who, ironically, can barely keep still in The Still Life. Plagued by alcoholism and inner torment, Julian turns his own self-loathing into a powerful new art form termed "Destructionism" that unexpectedly catapults him to critical and commercial success. Julian must then decide what kind of artist he's going to be. Masterpieces-of-ass Angel Boris, Holly Fields, and Kyrie Maezumi bring museum-quality nudity to The Still Life in a series of scenes that are guaranteed to move you.
AUGUST 14, 2007
BACK TO SCHOOL: EXTRA CURRICULAR EDITION (1986)
STUDIO: MGM
NUDE: Leslie Huntly (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The uproarious box-office smash Back to School holds the distinction of being the most popular teen sex comedy whose star is a sixty-five-year-old man. Rodney Dangerfield plays a successful self-made businessman who decides to get his college degree at the same college as his nerdy son. Nerds learn to party, partiers learn to study, and all the high points of a college comedy are hit. Oingo Boingo, Sam Kinison, and Kurt Vonnegut all make guest appearances. But as everyone knows, the best appearances are breast appearances, and Leslie Huntly bares hers in a shower scene interrupted by Rodney. Finally . . . he got some respect!
CR? CUERVOS (1976)
STUDIO: Criterion
NUDE: Florinda Chico (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Set in the waning days of fascist Spain under Generalissimo Francisco Franco, the acclaimed international arthouse hit Cr?cuervos chronicles eight-year-old Ana (Ana Torrent), who conjures up the ghost of her deceased mother (Geraldine Chaplin)-at least in her own mind. Cr?cuervos moves fluidly between fantasy and reality, as Ana's struggle to live without her mother mirrors Spain's emergence from dictatorial rule. Florinda Chico supplies skin.
GRAVEYARD OF HONOR (2002)
STUDIO: AnimEigo
NUDE: Narumi Arimori (Picture: ) (butt)
THE SKINNY: Legendary shock director Takashi Miike remakes a Japanese classic with Graveyard of Honor, with the expected blunt force and combustible impact. Goro Kishitani plays a kill-happy Yakuza soldier named Rikuo Ishimatsu, whose right-place, right-time protection of a crime boss propels him to a dangerous seat of power. When Rikuo uses his new position to rob, murder, and mutilate maniacally, even the mob shuns him. And then it's really go time! Amidst the orgy of torn flesh and flying blood that erupts, Narumi Arimori manages to showcase her heavenly hindquarters. Graveyard of Honor will erect a tombstone in your lap.
THE LOOKOUT (2007)
STUDIO: Miramax
NUDE: Tinsel Korey (Picture: ) (butt)
THE SKINNY: In the sharp, stylish, modern film noir The Lookout, Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Chris Pratt, a superstar student hockey player whose major-league dreams are cut short by a car accident that damages his brain. Plagued by disorientation and memory trouble, embittered Chris signs on for a job as a night janitor in a bank. Soon a corrupt old school buddy (Matthew Goode) takes advantage of Chris's compromised mental state by involving him in a heist of the very bank where he mops up. Part pulse-pounding heist flick, part serious psychological drama, and all great (especially when Tinsel Korey bares butt crack), The Lookout is a knockout.
THE METHOD (2005)
STUDIO: Palm Pictures
NUDE: Najwa Nimri (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The titular subject of the Spanish-language hit The Method is a battery of seemingly bizarre psychological challenges issued to job candidates looking to land a position at a Madrid business firm. Seven hopefuls compete for a job in a sequestered room at the faceless multinational company, while anti-globalization protestors storm the streets below their skyscraper offices. Satire, mind-mucking, and deft commentary come together in The Method, which also features Najwa Nimri coming out of her shirt.
THE POSTCARD BANDIT (2003)
STUDIO: BFS Entertainment
NUDE: Tasma Walton (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Brendan James Abbott is Australia's most famous real-life bank robber, who, according to legend, taunted authorities by mailing them postcards as he eluded them all over the continent. Tom Long plays Abbott in the made-for-TV Down Under biopic The Postcard Bandit, and, as cagey as this outlaw is when it comes to stick-ups, he's even craftier when picking gun molls, as embodied here by tantalizing Tasma Walton, who goes topless.
THE SEVERED HEAD NETWORK (2000)
STUDIO: Elite Entertainment
NUDES: Eli DeGeer (Picture: ) (FFN, butt), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: The Severed Head Network bills itself as "experimental shorts of the sinful, the sensual, and the sinister." The eight mini-features on display include avante-garde experimentation, wild music videos, far-out fantasies, dangerous visions, unexpected laughs, and even animals breaking into song-and-dance numbers. Gore gets splashed about in some of the flicks, while naked flesh is another welcome staple, especially in the flawless form of Eli DeGeer. The Severed Head Network is blast.
