The Life and Lays of Madonna Ciccone

Blog Charts Madonna’s Switch-Hitting Sex Life

In the wake of her announced divorce from director Guy Ritchie, Frisky.com has compiled a list of all the known actors, baseball players, producers, lesbians, rappers, and cross-dressers that Madonna has shared a bed, bathroom or locker room with since the late 1970s.

The Material Girl’s early fluid-swapping partners include celebrated painter and Andy Warhol protégé Jean-Michel Basquiat, John “Jellybean” Benitez, and paparazzi-punching puglilist Sean Penn, to whom she was married from 1985 to 1989.

But, as everyone knows, rings don’t cover holes, and Madonna’s marriage to Penn didn’t stop her nailing the late Prince of Camelot John F. Kennedy, Jr. and funny lady Sandra Bernhard.

After her divorce, Madonna spent the 1990s Desperately Seeking Semen with a slew of Hollywood types. Her list of lovers reads like a Who’s Who of the grunge decade, and included her Dick Tracy co-star Warren Beatty, amputee porn actor Tony Ward, Lenny Kravitz, Antonio Banderas, future Surreal Life star Vanilla Ice, Big Daddy Kane, “Juiced” baseball star Jose Canseco, bisexual pro wrestler and Jordan-era Chicago Bull Dennis “Bad As I Wanna Be” Rodman, and mobbed-up lesbian nightclub owner Ingrid Casares.

And, in a move that flirted with fake incest, Madonna was briefly involved with The Last Temptation of Christ star Willem Defoe in 1992.

Then, after having a daughter with her personal trainer, she spent a year and a half dating an aspiring nobody named Andy Bird before meeting and marrying Guy Ritchie in 2000.

But now, that dream has died, and Madonna has turned her eye once again to the scandal- and strike-ridden world of Major League Baseball, appearing in public with New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez.

As for whose crotch Madonna will be grinding next, that’s anyone’s guess. It could be Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife Carla Bruni, Michelle Rodriguez, 50 Cent, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Lindsay Lohan, or even Mr. Skin himself! Whoever it is, next to Madonna, they’ll feel like a virgin!