By Mr. Skin
Roll out the red carpet, rev up the stretch limo, and unzip your tuxedo pants--'ti(t)s award season again, and I'm not talking about the Golden Globes. Actually, I'm talking about a lot of golden globes . . . and glutes . . . and well, gee, you get the picture.
It's Academy Award season in Hollywood and that means it's Anatomy Awards
time here at MrSkin.com. This is when I bestow my highest, hardest honors on the top skin-chievements in motion picture and television nudity from the previous year.
Best Breasts: Salma Hayek
With a double shot of her D-cup dairy delights, Mexico's more-than-a-mouthful superstar Salma Hayek
takes the trophy for her bare-bosomed blowout in the drama Ask the Dust
), as well as for her eye-poppingly awesome, bra-clad mega-cleavage during an appearance on the ABC series Ugly Betty
Best PG-13 Nude Scene: Jennifer Aniston
in The Break-Up
The pants of Friends
veteran Jennifer Aniston
have long sported one of the most admired seats in show business. In the big-screen romantic comedy The Break-Up
, where Jen co-starred with her then real-life squeeze Vince Vaughn
, the former Mrs. Pitt finally freed her posterior for the world to see--and it more than lived up to its promise. Now that's what Friends
Sexiest Network TV Scene: Ali Larter
The way Mr. Skin sees it, flaxen vixen Ali Larter
displayed truly mighty super-powers when she transformed into the Whipped Cream Bikini Queen in Varsity Blues
(1999) (Picture: 1
). NBC upped Ali's amplitude by casting her as a Wonder-Woman-type on its sci-fi hit Heroes
. Ali's bent-over display of her womanly wonders while wearing only undies on the episode titled "Collision" could turn even the limpest Lex Luthor into a full-on Man of Steel.
Best 40 or Over Nude Scene: Kyra Sedgwick
Actor Kevin Bacon
directed the sexually charged family tale Loverboy
as a showcase for his real-life wife, Kyra Sedgwick
. And the mouth-watering missus, who just started getting nude in 2004, served up the best view of her Bacon bits to date.
Best Threesome: Emmanuelle Chriqui
), Malin Akerman
, and Kevin Connolly on Entourage
HBO's Tinseltown insider comedy Entourage
regularly casts a spotlight on naked Hollywood hills. For the episode "Three's Company," burgeoning agent Kevin Connolly
makes a break for the big time by simultaneously bedding Emmanuelle Chriqui
and Malin Akerman
, who make out on camera. Malin even shows her right-side rackerman.
Most Shocking Nudity: Rosie O'Donnell
2006 was quite a 12 months for fuller-than-full-figured funnylady Rosie O'Donnell
. She brought her big mouth to The View
, got into a public Clash of the Intellectual Titans with Donald Trump
, and, on the FX plastic-surgery series Nip/Tuck
, she revealed some colossal keister. Many said The Donald made an ass of himself by vindictively going after America's second-or-third most tolerated lesbian. Rosie simply made an ass.
Biggest Jumbo Jacks: Keisha
in Beer League
Vintage 1980s adult-video vixen Keisha
exploded all over skindependent cinema this past summer with her homerun performance in Artie Lange
's sex-suds-and-softball saga Beer League
. As Pitching Machine, the naturally mega-jugged Keisha busted out her Astrodomes and displayed a unique talent for popping ping-pong balls out of her own batter's box. Talk about a gland slam!
Best Buns: Brittany Daniel
in Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders
Effervescent Florida-born blonde Brittany Daniel
initially ignited America's libido as a teen, playing one of the twin leads on the TV series Sweet Valley High
. Since then, Brittany's captivated audiences with scorchingly tease-tastic turns in Joe Dirt
(2001) and Club Dread
(2004). Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders
was made in 2004 but only released in 2006, perhaps because the public was not quite ready to witness Brittany's beyond-perfect posterior in its naked glory--not to mention her topless scenes, and a magnificent m?ge-?rois where she lezzes it up with Michelle Borth
Best Lesbian Scene: Laura Bottrell
and Nichole Mercedes Robinson
The Showtime series Huff
features The Simpsons
voice-meister Hank Azaria
as a psychiatrist and handsome devil Oliver Platt
as a dude who digs hookers. One celebratory evening, Platt's character employs a skinterracial twosome for a flavorful good time. Laura Bottrell
is pure, sweet cream, while Nichole Mercedes Robinson
brings the lip-smacking chocolate topping.
Best Nip-Slip: Mindy Kaling
at The 58th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards
Multitalented Mindy Kaling
was an accomplished playwright and satirist before joining the cast of NBC's The Office
as Kelly. Her highest skin-chievement to date, however, occurred at The 58th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards
where, upon joining her castmates on stage to pick up a trophy, Mindy's top inched downward and revealed a momentary flash of her skin-dy.
Best Skinny Dip: Kelly Brook
in Survival Island
Anyone with Showtime and insomnia became skintimately familiar with Survival Island
last summer, as the cable network seemed to run the movie every night. Our only complaint is that they eventually stopped. Survival Island
star and former British chat-show hostess Kelly Brook
sports the most astonishingly voluptuous all-natural physique to be photographed so far this decade. It may be that no man is an island, but Kelly's star turn in Survival Island
proves that she's all woman.
Best Plumber's Crack: Brooke Shields
Time was, a jailbait-aged Brooke Shields
boasted that nothing came between her and her Calvins. All grown up (and out), the more ravishing-than-ever The Blue Lagoon
bombshell dropped enough of her trou on the FX series Nip/Tuck
to prove it.
Best Nude-Comer: Danielle Riley
Ultra-curvaceous eyeful Danielle Riley
busted out in a big, big way last year via the women-in-a-haunted-prison flick Shadow: Dead Riot
. Her trio of nude scenes showcases her all-natural knockout body brilliantly. Danielle is the double-D stuff of which B-movie superstarlets are made.
Best Wardrobe Malfunction: Monique Coleman
on Dancing with the Stars
One of the smashing non-nude success stories of 2006 was the Disney Channel's TV-movie High School Musical
. No doubt much of Musical
's success can be attributed to its cocoa-hued co-star Monique Coleman
. Mesmerizing Monique parlayed her sudden fame into a spot on the ABC talent contest Dancing with the Stars
and--during a particularly spicy salsa number on September 27, 2006--she skinstantly earned first place in the field of accidental ass revelations.
Best Full Frontal: Gretchen Mol
in The Notorious Bettie Page
Surgically unenhanced ultra-knockout Gretchen Mol
dyed her naturally blonde locks jet-black when she took on the title role of The Notorious Bettie Page
. All those who wondered if she'd follow suit by tinting the carpet to match the drapes didn't have to wonder long once the movie was released: Gretchen goes all-out wild and
Best Nudity in a Horror Movie: Barbara Nedeljakova
Writer-director Eli Roth
's harrowing horror gross-out Hostel
kicked off 2006 the way every year should be inaugurated: with teeming, almost uncountable numbers of Eastern European vixens completely nude on screen. Czech cheesecake Barbara Nedeljakova
made a most arresting debut as a seductive siren leading our heroes to all manner of ungodly agonies. And you'd follow her, too.
Best Cable TV Show: The L Word
The L Word
is the first and last word--and all the other words in between--when it comes to The C Word.
Best Masturbation Scene: Lauren Lee Smith
in Lie with Me
The movie is titled Lie with Me
. It opens with luscious redhead Lauren Lee Smith
lying on a couch, topless, and inserting fingers into her vagina while simultaneously diddling her clitoris. And that's no Lie
Breast Picture (Best Movie for Nudity): American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile
The fifth entry in the American Pie
cycle, and the second to go straight to unrated DVD, The Naked Mile
chronicles a lackluster member of the series' celebrated Stifler family coming of age (hard) and amplifies the amount of nudity in all previous entries by hundreds. Literally. Focusing on the all-nude coed streak of the title, The Naked Mile
boasts dozens upon dozens of naked college girls sprinting on-camera. Breast Picture? By a Mile
Lifetime Skin-chievment Award: Uschi Digard
(Picture: 1 - 2
Udderly ravishing sexploitation gazonga goddess Uschi Digard
brought her massive, all-natural twin peaks of titanic talent to one grindhouse classic after another throughout the drive-in decade. Luminously beautiful, powerfully arousing, and possessing the single most skintastically eye-popping pair of colossal-sized love pillows to ever light up a screen, Uschi's honor roll of roles includes Roxanna
(1970), Getting Into Heaven
(1970), Prison Girls
(1976), and C.B. Hustlers
(1978). The mega-knockered North Dakota native also played rough in both Ilsa, She Wolf of the S.S.
(1974) and Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks
(1976). In addition, the mammoth-mammaried Ms. Digard made her way into three masterworks by the Baron of All Things Bosom, Russ Meyer
: Cherry, Harry and Raquel!
(1975), and Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens
(1979). Perhaps Uschi's most famous screen appearance occurs in The Kentucky Fried Movie
(1977), during the spoof trailer "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble." Remember those huge, sudsy super-soakers that squeak when rubbed and get bounced up against the glass of a shower door? Of course you do. They belong to Uschi.
As usual, each of this year's Best Actress nominees has performed nude on-screen in her past, as have a couple of Best Supporting Actress contenders. The following is a list of where to see them naked.
2007 Best Actress Academy Award Nominees
): Nude in Jam?jam?em>
(1992) (Picture: 1
in Notes on a Scandal
: Nude in A Midsummer Night's Dream
(1968) (Picture: 1
in The Queen
: Nude in Savage Messiah
(1972) (Picture: 1
in The Devil Wears Prada
: Nude in Silkwood
(1983) (Picture: 1
in Little Children
): Nude in Holy Smoke!
(1999) (Picture: 1
Best Supporting Actress Academy Award Nominees
in Notes on a Scandal
: Nude in Elizabeth
(1998) (Picture: 1
: Nude in Babel
(2006) (Picture: 1