Jon Chattman: The Mr. Skin Interview

Tell us about The Book of 'Bert'. How did it come to be?

For whatever reason, I've always been amazed at the power of the mustache. Perhaps it was because I idolized Keith Hernandez of the New York Mets growing up or because my dad at one point had one. What really triggered the fascination, however, was a mutual friend co-author Rich and I had named—yes—Bert. He's been rocking the mustache since the mid-1990s—a time when, frankly, no one was sporting one. The Book of 'Bert' came about over two years when I just got the idea to honor those men with facial-hair fury. I enlisted Rich, and we started writing. The title pays homage to our pal Bert and the immortal Burt Reynolds.

Who were some of the great mustached men that came close but just didn't make the final cut? Why?

Great question. Lou Gossett Jr. is one that just missed the list. Our logic was his mustache was wonderful—he's kept it intact I believe every year since An Officer and a Gentleman—but in a battle of African American 'staches, Billy Dee Williams and Arsenio Hall beat him out. Why? Look how well groomed they are. Some of Gossett's bristles went awry post-Oscar victory.

Other notable pushbrooms who just missed the list: Captain Kangaroo, Charles Bronson, and the great Geraldo Rivera. The reasoning behind those greats was that those respective mustaches didn't exactly make the men. In other words, Kangaroo, Bronson, and Rivera would all have gone on to great success, 'stache or no 'stache.

By comparison, Weird Al Yankovic needed his 'stache to add to his wacky appeal. Without the 'stache, Weird Al would just look like a dude with a perm and extra large glasses. In short, he'd just look like Tootsie with brown hair.

What made the 1970s such a pivotal decade in the history of the mustache?

The 1970s, like the decade before it, was all about making a statement—whether it was in music, television, film, or in style.

Taking a page from the Ric Flair handbook—it was also about stylin' and profilin'. It was an era of fast cars, bell-bottoms, and sideburns. And, for whatever reason, the words cool and mustache walked side by side. A 'stache became an iconic symbol of this era. A mustache meant power, and meant something. If a dude didn't have one, he wasn't cool. A mustache on a man's face was a way of saying, "Hey, look at me—the ladies love me, and I have the power."

Take Burt Reynolds for example. Look at that smirk . . . that charisma. Ladies flocked to this guy because of his mighty 'stache.

Why did the mustache fall out of favor for a while?

I think there's a stigma with the 'stache. The mustache is the Duran Duran of a man's face. They have success, they put out albums that don't sell, then all of a sudden when you think that band's down and out, they come roaring back. The mustache is the same way. It's peaks and valleys.

The '70s were all about the 'stache, whereas the '80s and '90s were more about really bad clothing and big hair. With My Name is Earl and Borat alone, it's clear the 2000s have brought the 'stache back mainstream. But the 'stache never really fell out of favor if you think about it.

Wilford Brimley always has had his mustache intact with every bowl of oatmeal. Sam Elliott—for the most part—has kept it through and through, and last time I checked, Hulk Hogan has had his Twinkies-esque mustache on his face in and out of the squared circle.

To what do you attribute the comeback in popularity of male facial hair?

The Frida Kahlo (Picture: 1 - 2) bio-flick (Frida) helped. Well, picking up on the last question, the reason for the comeback is like everything else—whatever's old is always new again. If that statement weren't true there wouldn't be a Transformers movie, and those VH1 celebreality shows would flop in the ratings. I just know kids are going to start collecting Pogs again.

Seriously though, I think Jason Lee helped the comeback, I'd like to think my website thecheappop.com has helped a bit, and Tom Selleck realizing shaving his 'stache for In & Out was a mistake—all helped trigger the hairy movement.

What is the female equivalent of a mustache in terms of attitude and style?

Great question. I'd have to say it'd be the poofy big hair or lady mullet—or what I refer to as the "momlet". A mustache takes guts. It's a misunderstood attribute on a man's face. People stare at you when you have a mustache, but if you have confidence in your 'stache, you feel powerful. Similarly, girls who have big hair or a mullet-esque style hairdo in these times or any time show that they have guts. They don't care if it was a fad in the '50s or '80s—they rock the Aqua Net and make no apologies for it.

Would any famous women look better with a mustache?

In my book, Betty White could benefit from a nice 'stache. Picture her with a pencil-thin one like John Waters or with a Mike Piazza Fu Manchu—it'd be priceless. Other women who would look good with a mustache? Glenn Close (Picture: 1). If you don't believe me, check out her cameo in the movie Hook.

Speaking of women, what would you say is the best way for ladies to groom their nether hair?

When I shave my mustache, I use a disposable razor and a very small scissor. Lather up as well, or you'll get a bad case of red bumps. That goes for both cases.

What are three great sexy movie scenes in which guys with mustaches get lucky?

Matt Dillon worked his charms with Cameron Diaz (Picture: 1) in There's Something About Mary with an Ed Wood type 'stache, although I don't recall if he got laid. William H. Macy's character in Boogie Nights was sort of the anti-mustachioed sex scene.

So here's a quick rundown: 1) Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie in Don't Look Now (Picture: 1): That's a powerful 'stache Sutherland sported; 2) For some reason, Burt Reynolds and Goldie Hawn's shower scene in Best Friends (Picture: 1) stands out—have no clue why, it's a PG movie I think; 3) Lastly, Richard Roundtree in Shaft (Picture: 1): One cool cat who got a lot of pussy. Although that Borat naked fight scene is up there too.

What was the first movie nude scene you remember seeing? Was there a mustache in it? Is there a funny story attached to it?

Very good question. My first naked scene I recall was Maria Conchita Alonso in Moscow on the Hudson (Picture: 1), in which a beard, not a 'stache, was involved. Robin Williams sported a grisly-looking beard as the defecting Russian dude who banged Maria—I remember her scene in the bathtub and feeling funny. I was eleven I think.

What three female celebrities would you describe as mustache devotees? Why?

Easy. Loni Anderson, Katharine Ross (Picture: 1), and Wilford Brimley's wife. Loni stuck with Burt as long as Burt stuck with the Bert. Katharine Ross has been married to Sam Elliott and must deal with a mustache as thick as a pickle. Lastly, Wilford Brimley's wife. For all of the same reasons as Ross, but also because she also stayed with Brimley even though he took in so much fiber from that oatmeal.

In 75 words or less, convince Mr. Skin that he needs to grow a mustache.

A mustache is a sign of power. It distinguishes you from any other schmuck off the street. A mustache makes you feel like a man. Growing a 'stache is the only thing that makes people look at you in disbelief, horror, and admiration—all at the same time.

Mr.Skin obviously has power at each click of the mouse. He helps boys become men with each upload, download, or Mr. Skin Minute. That, my friend, is power. Grow a 'stache, Skin. Throughout history, great men have sported great mustaches: Albert Einstein, John Lennon . . . Alex Karras. It's time to join the ranks.

I've grown mine, you grow yours. May the breast man win.