By Selwyn Harris
As spring hits full bloom this May, video-store shelves will be bursting out all over with nifty new DVD releases just erupting with blossoming nudity. As temperatures rise, clothes get skimpier both in the real world and, it seems, in this fertile patch of flicks on disc that are packed with scorching nudity.
MAY 2, 2006
Eight Days a Week (1997)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDES: Keri Russell (Picture: 1
), Catherine Hicks
THE SKINNY: The teen romance Eight Days a Week
opens the way every movie should: with Felicity
's Keri Russell
cavorting in a lawn sprinkler while clad in a sopping-wet, see-through white tank top. Later on, Catherine Hicks
slips nips and Keri returns to bare her Felici-titties twice and for all at the movie's climax.
Modern Romance (1981)
STUDIO: Columbia Tri-Star Home Video
NUDES: Kathryn Harrold
Funnyman Albert Brooks
examines the foibles of the titular condition in Modern Romance
. His female co-star, Kathryn Harrold
, flaunts some side funbaggage and sweet fanny during a bedroom scene that reduces Albert to a babbling Brooks.
STUDIO: Koch Lorber
NUDES: Emmanuelle B?t (Picture: 1
), Sophie S?riad?/a>
THE SKINNY: Angelically beautiful Emmanuelle B?t portrays a Parisian prostitute who's hired by a doubting wife to deliver some dirt on the husband she suspects is cheating. Emmanuelle does what luminous ladies of the evening do in the City of Lights, which is to say she gets naked several times and even orgies with a posse of her fellow professionals. Talk about Eyeful Towers!
Tales from the Crypt Presents Ritual
STUDIO: Buena Vista
NUDES: Kristen Wilson
), Natasha Budhi
THE SKINNY: Creepy puppet The Cryptkeeper returns with another feature-length dishing-out of pulpy horror complete with blood, guts, and, most importantly, exposed flesh. Jennifer Grey
plays a doctor doing important research in the Caribbean when voodoo complicates her studies. The more-than-worthy specimens for your inspection are dusky hotties Natasha Budhi
and Kristen Wilson
who'll put a spell on you with her bare caboose.
STUDIO: Screen Media Films
NUDES: Monet Mazur (Picture: 1
THE SKINNY: Flaxen indie-pincess-on-the-rise Monet Mazur
will cause more than your head to spin in her skintastic showcase as the titular stripper character in Whirlygirl
. Monet's manhandling of a nudie-club dance pole so beguiles studious young James (Julian Morris
) that he ditches class, shuns his pals, and, in general, shirks all normal responsibility in order to full-time pursue Whirlygirl. A gander at Monet's glandular excellence on display will make all comers understand.
MAY 9, 2006
Battle in Heaven (2005)
STUDIO: Tartan Films
NUDES: Anapola Mushkadiz (Picture: 1
), Bertha Ruiz
, Grace Avila
THE SKINNY: From South of the Border comes the heavy-duty crime drama Battle in Heaven
, which contains tragedies that might make it pure hell to endure were it not for the divine beauties on display as well. A Mexico City hood (Marcos Hern?ez
) bangs a succession of Latina lovelies that includes Anapola Mushkadiz
as a hot-hootered hooker and Grave Avila
, who is utterly alluring when she goes full frontal. Big Bertha Ruiz
tips the scales and strips out of her clothes too. You have either just been warned or you stopped reading and have dashed off in a chubby-chasing frenzy.
Grandma's Boy: Unrated Edition (2006)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDES: Heidi Hawking
THE SKINNY: Grandma's Boy
, a typical raucous farce from Adam Sandler
's Happy Madison production company, barely made a blip at the box office in its initial release. Here's your chance to catch up not only with the movie's uproarious plot about a slacker (Allen Covert
) who's forced to move in with his grandmother (Doris Roberts
) and her foul-mouthed senior-citizen se?ta pals, but also with hefty-chested Heidi Hawking
, whose character name--Milk Maid--reveals as much as the actress does of herself.
Masters of Horror: Mick Garris's Chocolate (2005)
NUDES: Lucie Laurier (Picture: 1
THE SKINNY: Mick Garris
made his name in the fear field by directing an astonishing number of A-list Stephen King
adaptations, including Sleepwalkers
(1992), The Stand
(1994), and Riding the Bullet
(2004). Garris also co-created the Showtime anthology Masters of Horror
and directed this installment about a chemist who begins to experience psychic visions--or are they? Two sightings that no one can dispute the power of, however, are the gorgeous globes of luscious Lucie Laurier
STUDIO: Universal Home Video
In 1972 the Summer Olympic games were tragically interrupted by masked Palestinians who offed Israeli athletes in what they described as an act of war. Shortly thereafter Israel responded by sending secret agents to avenge the deaths by executing the Arab assassins. Munich
is director Steven Spielberg
's controversial recounting of those ugly times, rendered infinitely prettier by the naked appearance of Marie-Jos?Croze
. Her funbags and furburger remain delectable even after her character takes a bullet in the throat. And that's saying something!
NUDES: Lena Headey (Picture: 1
), Cara Buono
, Siri Neal
THE SKINNY: Stephen Gyllenhaal
's dad) directed this tale of a high-school history teacher (Jeremy Irons
) getting all dark and brooding. Instructor Irons ought to be able to pep up, what with young Lena Headey
popping out her suckables as she half screws him in a car and pert-nerpled Carla Buono
baring her bitsies in class. You'll just have to check them out and enjoy the views for him.
May 16, 2006
The Perfect Crime (2004)
STUDIO: First Look Pictures
NUDES: Kira Mir?> (Picture: 1
), Penelope Velasco
THE SKINNY: lex de la Iglesia
portrays a department-store manager who likes his women gorgeous, sexed-up, and on the floor of his place of business. Kira Mir?> and
Penelope Velasco honor their boss's wishes by baring various components of their succulent bodies.
Side Effects (2005)
STUDIO: Pro-Active Entertainment
NUDES: Katherine Heigl (Picture: 1
THE SKINNY: Super-bazoomba'd Katherine Heigl
inches ever closer to serving up her legendarily large lung pillows in the indie flick Side Effects
. Ultra-curvaceous Katherine doffs her bra as she's changing clothes and--ka-pow--we see a fast bobble of her left-side suck sack, dark pink nipple and all. That round revelation is one particular Side Effect
that will hit you square in the front.
These Girls (2005)
STUDIO: Allumination FilmWorks
NUDES: Caroline Dhavernas (Picture: 1
), Holly Lewis
THE SKINNY: Jailbait and blackmail mix with spectacularly sexy results in the comedy These Girls
. A trio of youthful female schemers (Caroline Dhavernas
, Holly Lewis
, and Amanda Walsh
) earn Spring Break dough by pressuring older gents into carnal congress and then charging them to keep these indiscretions a secret. Wonderfalls
's Caroline Dhavernas is especially enticing as she flaunts some wonderbutt and wonderboob when leaping out of bed.
MAY 23, 2006
Angel Blade (2002)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDES: Amanda Righetti (Picture: 1
), Kathleen Pederson
, anonymous nudes
THE SKINNY: Oh, see the T&A of The O.C.
's Amanda Righetti
in the twisty thriller Angel Blade
. Amanda perfectly embodies a lingerie model (an ideal occupation for her) who gets embroiled in intrigue with a cop on the tail of a serial killer who chops up pregnant hookers. Amanda keeps her precious body parts attached, and unveiled, while Kathleen Pederson
sits at a reception desk topless. Now that's service!
BloodRayne: Unrated Director's Cut (2005)
STUDIO: Columbia Tri-Star
NUDES: Kristanna Loken (Picture: 1
), anonymous nudes
THE SKINNY: Teutonic knockout Kristanna Loken
, who first caught our eye as the bare-tushed cyborg in Terminator 3
, ups her sci-fi sexbomb status even higher in the video-game adaptation BloodRayne
. Kristanna plays an ass-kicking supernatural hybrid who aims to slay the king of all bloodsuckers while dodging vampire hunters herself. At one point, Kristanna offers up her gorgeous torso orbs during a sex scene set in a cage.
The Boondock Saints (1999)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDES: Jeanna Fine (Picture: 1
THE SKINNY: Cult favorite The Boondock Saints
is as famous for its gritty depiction of New York criminals as it is for the real-life backstory in which writer/director Troy Duffy
scored big with Miramax and then seemed to isolate the entire entertainment industry. Well, Mr. Skin
is on hand now to point out a third (and fourth) reason to remember this film: the high-jutting jugs that get pawed by a cat burglar at the one-hour, two-minute mark belong to hard-bodied hardcore porn star Jeanna Fine
Deadwood: The Complete Second Season (2005)
NUDES: Izabella Miko (Picture: 1
), Paula Malcomson
, Molly Parker
, Ashleigh Kizer
, Robin Weigert
THE SKINNY: HBO's potty-mouthed western series is set in the South Dakota mining town of the title where corruption rules, bodies pile up as often as the term "cocksucker" is bandied about, and the women are not only supermodel sumptuous but in no way prone to the prudish ways we might think of nineteenth-century settler gals behaving. Between the brothels and the bathtubs and the noisily bouncing beds, Deadwood
's gold rush of naked nubiles will leave your own wood anything but.
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Jessica Malka
THE SKINNY: Jessica Malka
provides flesh you can really sink your teeth into in the slightly misnamed vampire opus Cannibal
. Originally released in France as La Peau blanche
), this ferocious study in obsession and blood eating does boast Jessica dining au naturel
--she's as naked as the corpse with which she's stuffing her kisser.
The Sign of the Cross (1932)
NUDES: Claudette Colbert (Picture: 1
THE SKINNY: A monumental achievement in early Hollywood skin and scandal, Cecil B. DeMille
's awe-inspring The Sign of the Cross
recreates the struggles of Christianity in its infancy, when the faithful were dispatched by diabolically spectacular means at Roman circuses. Tinseltown icon Claudette Colbert
floats her funbags in plain sight while enjoying a decadent milk bath at the nineteen-minute mark.
STUDIO: The Weinstein Company
NUDES: Felicity Huffman
THE SKINNY: Felicity Huffman
snagged a Best Actress Academy Award nomination for her portrayal of a gender-redefining individual in Transamerica
. The good news is that Felicity goes topless and we see her puffs, man. The bad news is that there's a pretty convincing bogus wang dangling between her legs. So, at that most crucial moment, just cover the bottom half of the screen with your one free hand.
MAY 30, 2006
Queer as Folk: The Final Season (2005)
NUDES: Thea Gill (Picture: 1
), Michelle Clunie
, Angela Asher
, Tracy Waterhouse
, Natalie Harvalik
THE SKINNY: For five years the Showtime cable network carved out homo time in its schedule to air the acclaimed dramatic series Queer as Folk
. Despite the show's primary focus on dudes who dig dong, lesbian relief came in the awesome form of ravishing Thea Gill
and Michelle Clunie
. In addition to that oft-undressed poon-loving pair, the final episodes, now available on disc, supply warm (and bare) female forms courtesy of Angela Asher
, Tracy Waterhouse
, and Natalie Harvalik
. Get Folk
Amazon Jail (1982)
NUDES: Shirley Benny, Elizabeth Hartmann, anonymous nudes
They're in the jungle and they're in the hoosegow. That's how it goes for the fed-up (and frequently felt-up) inmates of the Amazon Jail
. Blue Underground brings us another typically wicked Women-in-Prison romp, marked by copious onslaughts of female flesh. The plot concerns providing the prisoners with preferential treatment if they'll work as sex slaves. Some do, some don't. They all get naked.
Bare Behind Bars (1980)
NUDES: Marta Anderson (Picture: 1
), Nadia Destro (Picture: 1
THE SKINNY: Bare Behind Bars
. Some titles really do say it all. And in this case, the Behind Bars
is just during the first part of this classic drive-in flick. Wall-to-wall lesbians do what comes naturally (and loudly) to them in a corrupt tropical lock-up until the big bust-out at the climax. The Bare
aspect holds true all the while. So, yes, this is highly recommended.
Oh! Calcutta! (1972) (Picture: 1
STUDIO: New Video DVD
NUDES: Raina Barrett
, Samantha Harper
, Patricia Hawkins
, Margo Sappington
THE SKINNY: The theatrical world stood erect and took notice in 1971 when the sexually charged, nudity-packed musical comedy revue Oh! Calcutta!
kicked off its record-smashing, multi-decade run on New York's Off-Broadway circuit. Devised by British intellectual Kenneth Tynan
and boasting material by John Lennon
and Sam Shepard
, Oh! Calcutta!
was adapted into movie form in 1972 and is now newly arrived on DVD. Expect cornball naughtiness, hippie grooming techniques, and every single female cast member in the raw and you well be, oh, delighted.