SKINcoming -- September 2007

September morn'. Back to school. Leaves starting to turn. Crisp hints of autumn breeze through the last blasts of Indian summer. And, of course, naked chicks on DVD. Here's our round-up of what'll get you cracking more than books this month.

SEPTEMBER 4, 2007

Georgia Rule (2007)
STUDIO: Universal Home Video
NUDE: Felicity Huffman (Picture: 1) (butt)
THE SKINNY: Lindsay Lohan shocks the universe by playing a troubled teen in Georgia Rule. Banished for a summer by her alcoholic mom (puffy-nerped favorite Felicity Huffman, who flashes butt here) from San Francisco to Mormon Idaho, Lohan's strident strumpet aims to rattle potato country to its core, but one thing continually blocks her buzz-strict, stringent grandma Georgia (Jane Fonda). Lindsay showcases some nifty undies along the way, too, so you'd be a fool to miss this Rule.

Playroom (2006)
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDES: Evy Lutzky (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt), Nicole Nocintino (breasts, butt), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Five strapping bo-hunks in their thirties gather for the football vacation they've taken every year since high school, only to fall prey to the bait-and-switch seductions of some diabolical divas. Next thing they (and we) know, they're chained up, stripped naked, bent over, and accepting the business end of electrified strap-on marital aids and other delights in the kinky torture chamber from which the movie derives its title-the Playroom. Why is this happening to them? Will the (thankfully, female) stripper that one dude knows come to the rescue-or at least get naked? And how about all those naked call girls? Any area in which you watch this original, arousingly offbeat thriller is bound to become your very own private Playroom.

Poolside Heat (2007)
STUDIO: PeachDVD.com
NUDES: Jessica Saint (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Zora (FFN, butt), Cindy Pucci (FFN, butt), Mackenzie (FFN, butt), Lexxi Tyler (FFN, butt), Melissa Jacobs (FFN, butt), Carly Banks (FFN, butt), Linda Tran (FFN, butt) Crissy Moran (FFN, butt), Charlie Laine (FFN, butt)
THE SKINNY: The Peach girls storm the screen once more in Poolside Heat (2007)-and this time they're all wet! The bikinis are tantalizing here, but not for long, as the sun beats down upon our array of shiny sexbombs and prompts them to lose their swimsuits pronto, then dive deep for some fun-both alone and in all manner of carnal combinations. Poolside Heat will float more than just your boat!

Space Mutiny (1988)
STUDIO: Echo Bridge
NUDE: Cisse Cameron (Picture: 1) (right breast)
THE SKINNY: The legendarily low-budgeted Space Mutiny is dear to fans of Ed Wood-style crash-and-burn cinema. The intergalactic cluster-bomb combines grizzled screen vets Cameron Mitchell and John Philip Law with the fleshly delights of Cisse Cameron (of Porky's II (Picture: 1) and The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington (Picture: 1)) in a heady bouillabaisse of spaceships, explosions, and other special effects literally lifted straight from the '70s TV series Battlestar Galactica! Cisse does her part to beautify the galaxy by launching the right side of her Milky Way into plain view.

Violet Perfume (2001)
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDES: Ximena Ayala (right breast)
THE SKINNY: Violet Perfume explores the experiences of women and girls in super-macho Mexico City. Ximena Ayala is Yessica, a young, moody outsider who has been expelled from school for slapping the principal. She lives in poverty with her dim-bulb mama, who lets herself be controlled by a real boor of a husband. The boor has a boy, and the cad of a kid ruthlessly abuses poor Ximena. Ximena finds comfort in a friendship with Miriam (Nancy Guti?ez), but will their relationship survive?



SEPTEMBER 11, 2007

The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down (2006)
STUDIO: First Look
NUDES: Dita de Leon (breasts), Navia Nguyen (right breast), Shannon Adams (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Ah, to be young, hot, and full of one's self-and each other-in Hollywood, especially after dark. The characters in The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down fit the bill quite handsomely, as the movie explains, in fifteen simple chapters, what it takes to make the scene in lusty La-La Land. Each lively vignette lays bare a different aspect of carnal clubbing. You'll learn how to slip past velvet ropes, score the right dope, and most importantly, get the skinny on going skin-to-skin with budding starlets. Getting Down will get you up where it counts.

DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)
STUDIO: Weinstein Company
NUDE: Jaime Pressly (Picture: 1) (butt)
THE SKINNY: Based on a videogame and guaranteed to have you grabbing your joystick, D.O.A.: Dead or Alive gathers the hottest hardbodies on earth for an international martial arts tournament and has them go at it-every which way and loose! Among the alluring combatants are pro wrestler Tina (Jamie Pressly), cat burglar Christie (Holly Valance), and full-blooded ninja swordswoman Princess Kasumi (Devon Aoki), who's being trialed by an assassin (Natassia Malthe). With eye-candy of that world-class order, and fight scenes choreographed by Hong Kong's finest, D.O.A. is a top-flight kick in the pants, in every sense of the term.

A Few Days in September (2006)
STUDIO: Koch Lorber Films
NUDE: Sara Forestier (left breast)
THE SKINNY: In the artful, globe-trotting thriller A Few Days in September, the month in question happens to be in the year 2001. French Secret Service agent Irene (Juliette Binoche) is suddenly contacted by her old partner (Nick Nolte), who asks her to set up a reunion with his daughter (Sara Forestier). Complications, as they are wont to do in spy films, arise. Among them is John Turturro as a trigger-happy, poetry-spouting assassin. All this goes down as the World Trade Center attack looms, a bummer that is alleviated by Sara sharing with us her left-side torso tower.

From Beyond: Unrated Director's Cut (1986)
STUDIO: MGM
NUDE: Barbara Crampton (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: On the headless heels of the brain-splattering fright landmark Re-Animator (1985), writer-director Stuart Gordon turns again to the way-out works of author H.P. Lovecraft to deliver another screaming gross-out classic. Also returning are stars Jeffrey Combs, as our scientist hero, and Barbara Crampton, as a naked vision of pure bliss, this time in the guise of a psychiatrist. Mucking things up quite literally is Dr. Pretorius (Ted Sorel), whose theories regarding the human brain's pineal gland as a gateway to invisible dimensions that constantly surround us prove all too fluidly, grotesquely true. From Beyond is one of the best, ballsiest, and most maniacal blasts to come rip-roaring out of horror's fertile mid-1980s renaissance. Long may it ooze.

House on Hooter Hill (2007)
STUDIO: Secret Key Motion Pictures
NUDES: Taylor Wane (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Glori-Anne Gilbert (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Friday (FFN butt), Barbie Bennett (FFN, butt), Jules De Wilde (FFN, butt), Dani Woodward (FFN, butt), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Welcome to the House on Hooter Hill. With an address like that, a visitor might expect to ogle knockers beyond those hanging on the front door. And, yes, the frantic, funny, yet still very sexy effort from Camp Motion Pictures delivers on its implied promise of bare flesh. To score an inheritance from a recently deceased, heavy-hootered female relative, all two ultra-stacked babes have to do is spend the night in the dead babe's haunted manor. The ghosts come out as the clothes come off, and House on Hooter Hill becomes a must-stop destination for fans of softcore heat.

Peach Obsession: Erika (2007)
STUDIO: PeachDVD.com
NUDES: Erika Jordan (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Kayla Paige (FFN, butt), Jamie Lynn (FFN, butt), Jean Bardot (breasts, bush, butt)
THE SKINNY: Peach Obsession: Erika poses a serious question: Are you ready for a new obsession? The protuberant preoccupation of the title is, in fact, awe-inspiring Erika Jordan. One taste of her and, indeed, you will be famished for more. This DVD, then, is a full-on feast, serving up Erika and a banquet of her most beautiful friends in the buff.

Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror (2006)
STUDIO: Vivendi
NUDES: Yadi Valerio (breasts), Jillian Difusco (right breast)
THE SKINNY: Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror is an old-fashioned fright anthology. Snoop plays the Hound of Hell-"the gatekeeper of the after-party"-who spins three hip-hop-flavored tales of terror. Each involves a blood-soaked supernatural comeuppance for those who attempt to bring corruption and ill will to the ghetto. In the first, Daniella Alonso receives otherworldly powers of revenge that she uses against lethal gangbangers. Next up, racist redneck Tex Woods Jr. (Anson Mount) and his bimbo missus (Brande Roderick) push Ernie Hudson, as a war veteran, and his buddies too far and the result involves some very messy dog food. Finally, Lin Shaye portrays a criminal rap star who gets "spun" by an undead DJ. Yadi Valerio and Jillian Difusco provide gazongas in between Hood's explosions of gore.

Ten 'til Noon (2006)
STUDIO: Vivendi
NUDES: Jennifer Hill (Picture: 1) (breasts), Rayne Guest (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The tightly wound, darkly funny thriller Ten 'til Noon takes place, appropriately, between 11:50 A.M. and 12:00 P.M. Jetlagged salesman Larry (Rick D. Wasserman) gets one rude awakening as he comes to in a hotel room and finds hired assassins Mr. Jay (Alfonso Freeman) and Miss Milch (Jenya Lano) aiming the tools of their trade at him. Over the next ten minutes, much is revealed-but not all. There's a gunshot and then the other pieces of the puzzle-which include a mob boss, terrifically topless Jennifer Hill, and Larry's whacked-out wife (rack-baring Rayne Guest)-are doled out so we can try to make sense of what just went down. Looking for a bold break from traditional shoot-'em-ups? Time to check out Ten 'til Noon.



SEPTEMBER 18, 2007

Alligator (1980)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE: Robin Riker (right breast)
THE SKINNY: The urban legend regarding baby alligators being flushed down toilets and growing into fearsome behemoths in big-city sewer systems comes to thrilling, funny, ferocious life in the cult classic Alligator. Directed by ace Roger Corman underling Lewis Teague (Cujo, Cat's Eye) and written by indie icon John Sayles, Alligator casts Robert Forster as a detective in pursuit of the rampaging reptile named Ramon as the beast chews its way through suburban swimming pools and mid-town rush-hour traffic alike. Alligator is a blast with bite.

Closure (2007)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDE: Gillian Anderson (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The British revenge thriller Closure-a.k.a. Straightheads-pits romantic couple Alice (Gillian Anderson) and Adam (Danny Dyer) against London's entire street-thug element after the pair is brutalized by a gang in a wooded area. As their wounds heal and they get a tip on who is responsible for the attack, Adam pairs his expertise in high-tech surveillance with Alice's able ways with a firearm to bloodily and bombastically settle the score. And yes, X Files fans, Gillian bares her topless Scullys. The boobs are out there!

Croupier (1998)
STUDIO: Image Entertainment
NUDES: Alex Kingston (Picture: 1) (FFN), Kate Hardie (breasts)
THE SKINNY: After years of disappointing efforts, acclaimed British director Mike Hodges (1971's Get Carter) made a sure-footed, spot-on comeback with Croupier, a writer's story set in the world of high-stakes European casinos. Clive Owen plays Jack Manfred, whose father gets him a job as a croupier-which is a fancy term for the guy who runs a roulette wheel. In short order, Jack is dazzled and seduced by glamour-siren Jani de Villiers (Alex Kingston), who sways him into joining her on a criminal caper that comes with, as one might expect, unexpected consequences. Croupier is an artful, beautifully crafted film made all the more dazzling when Ms. Kingston comes tumbling out of her clothes amidst all those tumbling dice.

Final Draft (2007)
STUDIO: Genius Entertainment
NUDES: Melanie Marden (right breast)
THE SKINNY: With his prominently pronounced brow, box-like shoulders, and a general lumbering way about him, Dawson's Creek star James Van Der Beek has long seemed a natural for horror movies. Now, with Final Draft, he has finally arrived. Van Der Beek plays screenwriter Paul Twist, who's whipping up a script based on a circus accident he witnessed in which a clown burned to death while the audience, thinking it was a joke, laughed and cheered. In Twist's movie, the clown comes back to life to exact revenge on those who hooted at his demise. Pretty soon, though, Twist is no longer sure if he's making this story up, or making it come true in the real world. Final Draft is a complex chiller, and when Melanie Marden busts out half of her big top, you'll be the one pitching a tent.

L'Iceberg (2005)
STUDIO: First Run Features
NUDE: Fiona Gordon (Picture: 1) (breasts, bush)
THE SKINNY: After restaurant owner Fiona (Fiona Gordon) accidentally locks herself in a freezer overnight, she finds herself irresistibly drawn to cold things, so much so that she decides that she can only be happy is she lives on an iceberg. This decision sets the Belgian farce L'Iceberg into furious slapstick motion, as Fiona's northward journey involves no end of bumps, jumps, twists, and other broad physical set-ups with boomingly hilarious payoffs. Early on, Fiona goes full frontal, which is fortunate for her because, later in the film, such a ravishing revelation would make L'Iceberg melt.

Severance (2006)
STUDIO: Magnolia
NUDES: Juli Drajk?> (breasts), Judit Viktor (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Director Christopher Smith's Severance is a boffo blast of fresh, bloody air as it invigorates a seemingly typical slasher-flick set-up with wit and imagination-while being sure not to skimp on gore and gazongas. The European sales department of an international arms supplier is sent on a team-building exercise in the Hungarian wilderness. Upon arriving at what the members thought would be a swanky lodge, they find themselves stuck in a rundown hellhole. To pass the time, various stories are concocted about what the place might have been, which we see played out most engagingly on the screen, but the cast's fun is interrupted by a killer. And that's when the fun for horror fans really starts. Severance is a cut above the breast.



SEPTEMBER 25, 2007

Babel: 2-Disc Collector's Edition (2006)
STUDIO: Paramount Home Video
NUDE: Rinko Kikuchi (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt)
THE SKINNY: Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett head up an international cast in the sprawling epic Babel. A mishap with a firearm in Morocco touches off a global chain of events that deeply affects different families in Africa, Mexico, Japan, and the United States. Babel introduces us to each group of individuals and speaks to the shared humanity of all involved. Rinko Kikuchi plays a deaf mute, so she doesn't speak at all. But her bare boobles, butt-el, and bushel in Babel resonate in the skinternational language of lust.

Black Book (2006)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: Carice van Houten (Picture: 1) (breasts, bush, butt), Halina Reijn (Picture: 1) (breasts), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Dutch cinema giant Paul Verhoeven has trafficked in outrage from his earliest arthouse efforts (Spetters, The 4th Man) to his wild blockbusters (RoboCop, Total Recall) to his over-the-top sexual freak-bonanzas (Basic Instinct, Showgirls). For Black Book, Verhoeven took a break from Hollywood to tell a World War II saga set in the Nazi-occupied Netherlands of his youth. In 1944 Jewish beauty Rachel (Carice van Houten) is on the run when, after a series of harrowing adventures, she finds solace with a group of Dutch resistance fighters. Rachel's commitment to the cause is tested when she is asked to seduce Third Reich officer Ludwig M?e (Sebastian Koch) in order to gain knowledge that will help defeat Hitler. Black Book is rousing, erotic, scary, funny, and heartbreaking all at once-a feat that only Paul Verhoeven can pull off. And he does it here every bit as brilliantly as Carice pulls off her clothes.

Broken: Unrated Edition (2006)
STUDIO: Weinstein Company
NUDE: Nadja Brand (left breast)
THE SKINNY: Scary stuff happens in the forest. Take, for example, what goes down-and comes off-in the British thriller Broken. Nadja Brand portrays the meaningfully monikered Hope, a single mother who awakes to find herself the surprise prisoner of a mohawk-adorned creep (Eric Colvin). After a series of torturous trials, the sadist brings home another victim, this time a teenager (Abbey Stirling). Struggles ensue, and Broken evolves into a grim, grueling, unforgettable excursion into humanity's darkest recesses.

Bug: Special Edition (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE: Ashley Judd (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt)
THE SKINNY: Veteran fright helmer William Friedkin (The Exorcist) conjures up a new kind of creepy freak-out in the blisteringly intense, palpably claustrophobic shriek-fest Bug. Ashley Judd plays abused wife Agnes, who flees her no-good old man (Harry Connick Jr.) only to shack up in a sleazy motel with shattered Gulf War vet Peter (Michael Shannon). Soon enough, "bugs" are attacking the pair-inside, outside, and all over their bodies. Are the invading insects real or imaginary? Is it all just a nightmare? Bug raises these questions and more, just as Ashley will raise an exclamation point in your pants when she bugs out of her clothing on camera.

The Ferryman (2007)
STUDIO: First Look Pictures
NUDES: Amber Sainsbury (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Consider the titular ghoul in The Ferryman. Similar harbingers of eternal doom have cropped up, seaside, in entertainments ranging from ancient myths to synth-pop hits of the 1980s. This time, The Ferryman takes the form of an old salt rescued by a group of young party-boaters as they head to Fiji for fun and frolic. Their grizzled guest, however, has other plans for them-namely, supernatural spookery and splattery slaughter. Amber Sainsbury's bare flotation devices provide a couple of good things for her shipmates to hang on to, but otherwise The Ferryman is just a fun, scary trip to the bottom of the ocean.

Knocked Up (2007)
STUDIO: Universal Home Video
NUDES: Nautica Thorn (Picture: 1) (breasts), Stormy Daniels (Picture: 1) (breasts), Emerson Riley (Picture: 1) (right breast)
THE SKINNY: Knocked Up is a straight-up knock-out of a comedy: hilarious, moving, and, thanks to a female cast that's not afraid of nakedness, hot-hot-hot. Seth Rogen stars as Ben Stone, a pot-puffing goofball whose grand ambition is to launch-along with his spectacularly slackeriffic buddies-a website dedicated to chronicling every movie nude scene ever made. Hmmm . . . Obviously that's one skintastic idea, but Ben's best-laid plans go awry when he actually gets laid, courtesy of gorgeously curvaceous Katherine Heigl. She plays Alison Scott, an upright, thoroughly adult E! television reporter who has one cocktail too many, which leads to one Ben Stone in her bed too many and which, ultimately, leads to one positive pregnancy test too many. Knocked Up, then, showcases the efforts of Ben and Alison to overcome their differences as they cope with the unexpected during nine months of expecting. Lithe beauty Leslie Mann and funny, funny Paul Rudd make perfect comic foils in their roles of Alison's sister and brother-in-law, respectively, while, as Ben's wannabe internet skin-trepeneur pals, uproarious support comes from Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, Martin Starr, and Jay Baruchel. Written and directed by sharp, insightful auteur Judd Apatow (The 40-Year-Old Virgin [2005], Superbad [2007], TV's Freaks and Geeks), Knocked Up is the ultimate modern sex farce, supplying brains to go with the boobs and heart to back up the hijinks. It's beautiful, baby!

Macbeth (2006)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDES: Victoria Hill (Picture: 1) (breasts), Chloe Armstrong (breasts, butt), Kate Bell (breasts, butt), Miranda Nation (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: The title may be familiar, but Australian director Geoffrey Wright's take on Macbeth updates William Shakespeare's famous tragedy to modern day and sets its bloody doings amidst gangsters Down Under. Breast of all, the time transplant allows Victoria Hill, as Lady Macbeth, and the Bard's trio of witches to appear on screen in their altogether. Enjoying this version of Macbeth will have you launching into an "Out damn spot!" monologue of your own.

Mantis in Lace (1968)
STUDIO: Image Entertainment
NUDES: Pat Barrington (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt), Susan Stewart (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: As any recovering graduate of the '60s will readily declare, drugs kill. The really nasty thing about dope is that in certain instances-such as those exploited to thrilling and alarming effect in Mantis in Lace-the ingesting of illegal substances is fatal to innocent abstainers who didn't even take anything! A go-go dancing, free-love stripper uses her work environment as a dating pool. Her bag is to select a lucky stud from the crowd ogling her epidermal delights and drag him back to an abandoned warehouse for after-hours depravity. One chosen swain unwisely slips the seductress a tab of LSD. She freaks out and stabs the generous fellow to death. What a trip! effuses the frying ecdysiast, who naturally becomes addicted to dropping acid and slicing up her lovers. Though compelling and attractive, this woman is not recommended as a role model.

Night of the Demons 2 (1994)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE: Cristi Harris (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Demons. They always come back for more. Case in point: Night of the Demons 2. In the original Night of the Demons, malevolent spirits invade a party being thrown by Angela (Amelia Kinkade) and, even though the hostess is dead, she and the spooks return to crash another bash. When a gaggle of Catholic schoolgirls unwittingly unleashes the evil beings, nerdy Perry (Bobby Jacoby) and Sister Gloria (Jennifer Rhodes) fight back with, among other weaponry, squirt guns and balloons filled with holy water. Night of the Demons 2 is a wild, witty jaunt that brings on blood, boobs, Beelzebub's minions, and a nun going Rambo all over the ass of the dark side.

The Stendhal Syndrome: 2-Disc Special Edition (1996)
STUDIO: Blue-Underground.com
NUDE: Asia Argento (Picture: 1) (left breast)
THE SKINNY: The Dario Argento-directed Italian thriller The Stendhal Syndrome tracks young policewoman Anna Manni (Asia Argento) as she pursues a cunning serial rapist and murderer who leads her into an art museum where her titular mental disorder causes her to faint and grow dizzy at the sight of the paintings, rendering her helpless. Stendhal syndrome is an actual psychosomatic disease that causes its sufferers to lose consciousness at the sight of artistic masterpieces. You'll feel faint too when Asia's breathtaking breast comes out of her shirt as she struggles with her attacker.

Such Is Life (2000)
STUDIO: Facets Video
NUDES: Francesca Guillén (Picture: 1) (breasts, bush, butt), Arcelia Ramírez (Picture: 1) (FFN)
THE SKINNY: Mexican filmmaker Arturo Ripstein reimagines the ancient Greek myth of Medea for a new context in Such Is Life. Hewing close to the traditional storyline, Ripstein casts Arcelia Ramírez in the role of the troubled heroine-a Mexico City abortionist and mother of two whose life is an unending string of misery. When her pugnacious husband (Luis Felipe Tovar) leaves her for another woman (Francesca Guillén), Julia (Ramírez) is forced to battle back against insurmountable odds. Tragic as Ripstein's tale is, he's kind enough to show the silver lining in the storm clouds. Guillén struts her stuff while seducing Ramírez's two-timing husband, causing the actress to battle back with competing glimpses of the fleshy good stuff.