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Rounding up the rack-o-lanterns of Eliza Dushku , Sophie Monk, Betsy Rue, Riki Lindhome, the nude girls of Friday the 13th, 
and more.
This season’s smash supernatural spooker Paranormal Activity is packing audiences into theaters the way its leading lady, Katie Featherston, packs her 38DD bra.
Unfortunately, curvaceous Katie keeps covered throughout Paranormal, so let’s salute fright flick femmes who did bare ’em and scare ’em in 2009.
So come on now, Katie Featherston: Follow suit with your fellow scream queens and strip down to your birthday suit!
1. MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D
Betsy Rue
(0:22)
Betsy bounces atop a dude on a motel bed, follows him out to the parking lot stark nude, then flees a killer with every inch of her naked form erupting off the screen in the three skintastic dimensions—comin' right at ya!
Valentine is a rip-roaring remake of a skinless 1981 slasher nugget, and it improves on the original not only with Betsy's amazing, shaved-beav full-frontal action that goes on for nearly five full minutes, but the fact that she shimmies, shakes, and bounces out in front of viewers' eyes with utmost clarity thanks to a newly (and nudely) improved 3-D process.
Glands down, Betsy’s Bloody bareness stands as the greatest 3-D nude scene in the history of tits and glasses.
*
2. FRIDAY THE 13th
Julianna Guill
(0:22)
While bare-breasted Julianna rides her man in the sack, that lucky fucker speaks for us all as he marvels at her buoyant, all-natural melons and gushes over their “perfect nipple placement.”
We also get a gander at Julianna’s gluteus before hockey-masked homicide practitioner Jason Voorhees comes along to complicate the coitus.
Julianna topless is truly a marvel (actually, two marvels) to behold.
*
3. THE HILLS RUN RED
Sophie Monk
(0:10)
UK songbird Sophie strips naked as a jaybird while supplying a nudie-club customer with a scintillating lap dance.
Sophie plays the daughter of a slasher-movie director who disappeared while filming his hair-raising opus, and, in addition to the professional peeling moment, we also get naked loads of Ms. Monk seducing a dude, making a sex tape, and engaging in kinky bondage.
This is sexy horror at its most erotically over-the-topless, so don't miss your chance to see Sophie Monk’s hills run nude!
*
4. LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT
Riki Lindhome
(0:23)
Riki Lindhome’s taut body and snarling sexuality make her a perfect choice to portray sicko sadist Sadie in the Last House remake.
From her first reveal on camera, when she casually, yet menacingly, tears off her tank top and struts about bare titted in order to intimidate two teen girl kidnap victims, Last House on the Left throbs with taboo eroticism.
As the plot plays out, Riki's participation in the nastiness that happens involving the pair of innocents is further charged with dark sensuality, bolstered by this up-and-comer's naturally ferocious air of tough-girl allure.
During Last House's climax, Riki's naked-nippled, knock-down, drag-out fight at the 1-hour, 28 minute mark is a two-fisted flesh-and-blood classic.
*
5. THE ALPHABET KILLER
Eliza Dushku
(1:17)
Eliza plays a cop on the trail of a serial psycho.
At one point, the case leads to her doctor’s office, where Eliza changes shirts and we get a flash of her topless dollhouses.
The bare boobs are fast and fleeting, but it’s Eliza’s first ever nude revelation, and she does bring nice A-B-C-cups to this Alphabet.
*
6. THE CHAOS EXPERIMENT
Eve Mauro
(0:21)
Val Kilmer is a mad scientist out to inflict human test subjects to the ultimate agonies of global warming in the scientific undertaking of the movie’s title.
Eve is the cracked climatologist’s most captivating participant, and when the heat goes up, her top comes off in a sauna.
Eve also supplies a naked lesbian eyeful along with Alexis Raben in the backseat of a car in this year’s Miss March.
*
7. DEADGIRL
Jenny Spain
(0:13)
As the titular not-quite-alive object of lust, Jenny is discovered chained to a table and vulnerably naked by a pair of teenage burnouts with burdensome boners and no place to put them—until that very moment—in this disturbing midnight-movie hit.
Jenny remains nude for the entirety of Deadgirl, where she is flipped over, dressed up in lingerie, and repeatedly ravaged by unhinged adolescents.
It’s a brave performance, bolstered by Jenny having a body that looks, as one of the zombie-raping youth puts it, “like she’s from out of a magazine.”
*
8. WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD
Louise Cliffe
(0:03)
Louise luxuriates in the woods next to a doob-sparking gal pal, then takes off her shirt to sunbathe. After expounding on the glories of her own nude globes, Louise’s loverboy returns from a hike and grabs a handful of her breast meat.
The petting session is then thwarted by a hillbilly archer who shoots an arrows straight through Louise’s left nipple.
A giddy moment of great, gross skingoria follows next, when the bow-wielder sends a second shaft into poor Ms. Cliffe’s skull, plucks her distended eyeball from the tip, and then chows down on it like a gourmet hors d'oeuvre.
*
9. FRIDAY THE 13th
Willa Ford
(0:43)
Most times when making a nude scene list, the limit is one naked babe per individual movie.
But when former MTV pop tart Willa doffs her top to enjoy free-funbagged waterskiing on Crystal Lake, it simply became necessary to honor the nudeness of this year’s Friday the 13th remake two times.
Extra points go to Willa for exposing her stiff-nipped points an extra time, too, when Jason Voorhees runs his machete through the top of her head like a skewer.
He then lifts Willa’s dead body up out of the water for one more lively, and admirably gratuitous, look at her bare boobs.
*
HORROR-ONORABLE MENTIONS
CHILDREN OF THE CORN
Zita Vass
(1:15)
Shapely brunette Zita follows up her nude debut on an episode of Californication last year in this remake of the 1984 Stephen King favorite about a crop-harvesting cult of killer kids.
Here, Zita makes a naked offering atop a sacrificial altar while performing a sex ritual that involves her getting boned hard.
More than just your corn will pop, and Zita's delectably pointy brown nips are most definitely not for children.
*
CROWLEY
Nicola Rockhill
(1:17)
Iron Maiden vocalist Bruce Dickinson composed the screenplay for this fantasy tribute to early-20th-century Britain’s notorious mad philosopher, sexual libertine, and occult practitioner Aleister Crowley.
After the wicked wizard returns to a modern UK university, all manner of way-out witchery starts to bubble up, including a black-magic orgy that’s laid end-to-end with nude bodies in unholy congress.
In the midst of the intertwined fornicators, lithe lovely Nicola Rockhill invokes the powers of carnal abandon by playing a violin while she’s in the buff.
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