Former Hef Girlfriend turns Dance Competition into a Foxtrot
Former Hef Girlfriend turns Dance Competition into a Foxtrot
Early in the rehearsals process for this season of Dancing with the Stars, poetess and pop star Jewel, who would have been competing against her cowpoke husband Ty Murray, has injured her knee and will likely drop out of the running.
On her blog, Jewel complained, “Yuck! It’s mainly my left knee, and I can’t believe I hurt it so badly. Ty warned me I was over doing it, and now he got a big ol’ ‘I told you so’ in.”
The cryptic blog entry about what hard-on-the knees activity Jewel was overdoing is hard to decipher, but “a big ol’ ‘I told you so’” is a well-known sexual euphemism in Jewel’s native Alaska.
It’s a sign of the times that Jewel quickly turned to performance-enhancing drugs, explaining, “Hopefully these steroids will really do the trick and I can keep bad flare ups at a bay in the future.”
Fortunately, rumor has it, the producers have already replaced Jewel with TheGirls Next Door starlet and Playboy Playmate Holly Madison, fresh off her break-up with prestidigitator Criss Angel.
Neither the ABC network nor Jewel have made any official statements, but if Jewel were to comment on the situation, she would likely quote one of her own poems:
"I hope her breasts were admired / as mine are / two silver deities / two shining steeples / giving testament to the sky."
