Megan Fox: "I'll Never Have a Sex Tape."

Never?

"Ugh, never!” screeched the utterly non-nude Megan Fox to MTV News, before explaining, “It would take one shot of me not looking good and I would not be able to have sex ever again, because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex."

Presumably a lesbian hippo strangling an ox.

This comes as no surprise to anyone on planet Earth, since Megan’s steadfast refusal to take her clothes off has been the talk of the celebrity nudity community since she made this unnerving statement after “topless” shots of her were leaked from the set of Jennifer’s Body approximately 100 years ago:

“I had booby stickers on. They make these silicone stickers that go on over your nipple. If I'd been actually topless, I would have sued someone.”

And if you’d actually been topless, someone would have cared.

Megan continued her unambiguous denial of any plans for future nudity, either doing a daisy chain with a Russian stripper and Olivia Wilde for Brian Austin Green’s camcorder or fellating Vincent Gallo in the next Lars von Trier movie

"I can't ever imagine myself doing nudity in a film," Megan shrieked. "It lives forever, especially now, with the Internet. I just can't. I just can't."

All in all, this may be good news, especially now, with the Internet.

Historically, actresses who insist that nudity is their natural state and they are 100% comfortable the way G-d made them are never (“ugh, never!”) actually going to get naked on film.

So perhaps the lady doth protest too much and all this is the preamble to a Hall of Fame nude career.

But don’t hold your breath. Subscribe to Mr Skin's RSS and let us hold it for you.